


Of blue and red blood

by crazypositive



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Androids, Angst, Character Death, Childhood Trauma, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Jealousy, Other, Post-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Peaceful Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Relationship Reveal, Robot/Human Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2020-07-23 03:27:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20001583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazypositive/pseuds/crazypositive
Summary: "Chloe take the gun and shoot!" a six-year-old begged, tugging at the android's sleeve for dear life,  the girl cried, as the android stared blankly at her, " My programming prevents me from hurting humans, I contacted the police, they will arrive shortly."your shaking hands tried to lift the heavy gun, but there was no way you'd manage to shoot it with your little hands and tear blurred vision."But dad won't make it Chloe, please do something they will get him, please help him."" My programming prevents me from hurting humans, I contacted the police, they will arrive shortly,"she repeated, like a broken record.can you ever trust androids again, can you accept them, or accept your growing feelings towards one of their kind.Next update: July 29th





	1. Remembering

_"Chloe take the gun and shoot!" a six-year-old begged, tugging at the android's sleeve for dear life, the girl cried, as the android stared blankly at her, " My programming prevents me from hurting humans, I contacted the police, they will arrive shortly."_

_your shaking hands tried to lift the heavy gun, but there was no way you'd manage to shoot it with your little hands and tear blurred vision._

_"But dad won't make it Chloe, please do something they will get him, please help him."_

_" My programming prevents me from hurting humans, I contacted the police, they will arrive shortly,"_

_she repeated, like a broken record._

_Just then, a piercing sound of a bullet was heard, throughout your home, and your little feet carried you away from the android, towards the lobby just in time to see your father falling to his knees, a pool of blood, forming beneath him._

_The screams of your mother followed, she ran towards the thieves, and just like your father, they shot her._

_"Damn it! are you fucking stupid? now we will never get the key to the safe."_

_it was all going in slow motion around you as you watched them from above, crouched, hands grabbing the stair railings eyes fixed on the dead bodies, the red puddle grew, and the voices of the evil men became further, you could hardly hear them despite them being right there next to them, you didn't notice them cursing looking at the windows in panic, or the flashing blue lights that filled the house, your eyes were directed at your parents and only them._

_A hand, got you out of your state of shock and you retreated scared of the man that was kneeling, with both hands raised, in an attempt to calm you down, his mouth moved, yet you heard nothing, for a couple of minutes, you remained utterly still watching the man, he didn't appear evil, he was one of the good guys, his eyes were kind, and when you concentrated on his face, his voice was growing more distinct, "everything is going to be alright little one."_

_it was all you needed to hear, you ran to the man and broke down crying as he hugged you._

_XXXXXXX_

That, happened long ago a lot has happened since then, you contemplated looking at the gun in your hands, before putting it back in its holster, your eyes slowly raising to read the sign at the door, you pushed the door open ignoring the androids, that seemed to a lot more than they were two months ago, you hated those plastic freaks, if it wasn't for them both your parent's would have been alive today, if she could have acted, if she took that gun you helplessly offered and pulled that trigger.

You sighed, walking to your desk hoping just for once, everyone left you alone, the second you had that thought Gavin's voice rang in the office declaring his arrival, maybe you should say nothing or pretend to be busy, he'll leave you alone.

"the detective Princess, on time as always, I'm starting to think you sleep here." 

Perhaps you should join Hank next time he goes drinking.

"Good morning to you too Gavin," you said coldly.

Perhaps your disinterest will discourage him, yet you knew it was useless.

Ignoring Gavin gave him more reasons to annoy you.

"You know what princess, I always wondered why you chose to be a detective, I mean you do have a massive share in that fuckin android's company."

The memory of your dead parents flashed in your head, at the mention of cyber life.

Stay professional, don't lose your cool so early in the morning, you repeated that mantra in your head over and over.

"I had my reasons, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do, and I'm sure you're busy as well."

One thought was on your mind, get away from Gavin, get away from the painful memories he induced, you spared your desk one last look when you roughly bumped into someone, your eyes closed and you were on the floor looking at an android you've never seen before.

looking away from the hand the android extended, standing on your own, he spoke.

"Hello, I'm Connor the android sent by cyberlife to assist in the deviant investigation, could you please direct me to lieutenant Anderson's office? "

letting out a sigh you pointed at the office, before attempting to walk away, Fowler's voice stopping you, ringing through the office, "Kid, My office now."

Following the usually angry captain , you cursed at how shitty your day, was getting and it hasn't even begun yet.

examining the place when you walked in, you noticed a new case file sitting on his desk, " I need you to work with Hank on this one."

You nodded, taking the file from him, studying the file your eyes became frantic as you read the details.

"My programming, prevents me from hurting humans, I contacted the police, they will arrive, shortly."

You heard her voice, once more as you read the word android.

"I can't take this case, I won't be just investigating androids, I'll be working with one, sir you know I don't work with androids, I don't even talk to them. "

"You can't dwell in the past forever, kid." he let out a heavy sigh, before continuing, " there was very little I can do, Cyberlife requested that you work on this case."

How dare they, they ruined your life once, you wanted nothing to do with them, you made that very clear, yet they followed you every step of your life like you were one of their plastic toys always keeping you in line, always watching.

You were never really free, never really able to do what you wanted.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath before nodding, finally giving up.

At least Hank will be there like he always was.

You allowed yourself one last visit to that horrible memory when he hugged your trembling body took you out of the house.

You cried till darkness consumed you, he was there, he was always there offering comfort, though you knew he was the one in dire need of comfort.

You walked out of Fowlers office, steeling you resolution, you were stronger than this, you looked at Connor and asked him to follow you to your car.

Looking at the android sitting next to you, studying his profile made you uneasy , he looked so human, if it wasn't for the Led on his temple he'd look like everyone else.

The android noticed you looking at him, he kept his eyes on the road as he asked his question, "is there something you would like to know about me detective?"

"Nothing really, it's not like you have anything I won't know from your file."

He nodded " That is correct, though I sense you might be uncomfortable with my assistance, we might have gotten off the wrong foot." 

"We arrived, wait here as I see if he's in there, will you?"

Connor blinked noting how you avoided the subject, he analyzed the situation, everything seemed ordinary, nothing was out of place.

except for the fact that you didn't let him drive when he offered, or the fact that your desk was devoid of any family pictures, or anything of personal nature, if he didn't know for sure you were human he'd think you were an android too.

After searching five bars Hank usually goes to , you both stood at the door of the last bar he could be in, " I'll do the talking." You declared, walking in.

you didn't miss the dirty looks people gave your plastic partner, most of those people lost their jobs because of androids .

Hank was sitting on the bar, eyes fixed on the drink he was holding, he was deep in thought.

thoughts you knew too well that were going to destroy him if left unchecked.

you gently placed a hand on his shoulder like he did many years ago, " Hank, we have a case. "

He waved his hand dismissing both you and Connor, "You can handle it alone, can't ya."

Bitting your lip you held his forearm stopping him from taking another gulp of that poison, "No I can't Hank, please stop drinking."

Hnak was mumbling something nasty, when the android behind you asked for more whiskey for the senior cop.

"I'll buy you one for the road."

"You can't encourage him like that." you said glaring at the android.

To your surprise Hank complied, ordering a triple, before he headed out with you, it was no time to discuss his devastating habits, you had a crime to investigate.

*******

Carlos was a low life drunk, with no family nor a job, they found him weeks after he died, the smell was awful, after carefully listening to the briefing you began your work, you examined the body, he was stabbed multiple times, but the living room wasn't the place this all started.

"he was stabbed twenty eight times." the android declared, and you nodded, " but it started somewhere else, the kitchen perhaps."

you went to the kitchen your eyes falling on the bat, laying on the floor. the victim didn't have any bruising, yet this bat appears dented." you mumbled.

"he attacked the android with the bat."

you stared blankly at Connor as he made that announcement."It was an the emotional shock that caused its deviancy."

you looked at the bat again, " it was just defending itself." you mumbled under your breath, even if androids felt no pain that was no reason to take your frustration on them.

they were just tools but that didn't mean you could do that, the commotion brought you back to reality as the deviant was found.

your eyes roamed the androids forearms, they were burnt , and his back was bent covered in blue blood, if this android was human, he'd be the victim, that thought left you uneasy.

that unease continued as you watched it interrogated, it wasn't fair, this whole situation wasn't right.

Averting your gaze, you heard Gavin chuckle, " don't worry princess, it's just a piece of plastic, it feels nothing."

you were about to talk back to Gavin when Conner spoke, "you know you're not allowed to endanger human life under any circumstances."

_"Chloe take the gun and shoot!"_

You sent that memory to the back of your head, but you could no longer watch what was happening, you walked out of the room, in desperate need of fresh air, in desperate need of anything to distract you from revisiting that night.

While Hank drank to get over his sorrows, you smoked, why were you so hard on him when each of you picked a habit that will lead to self destruction one of those days.

You glared at the cancer stick between your fingers, and took a shaky breath.

"We managed to extract a confession." Conner stood next to you.

"of course you did." you looked down at the city below "you're not allowed to endanger humans huh?"

You inquired, though you already knew that.

"Of course, androids programming strictly forbids it."

You nodded at that, taking another puff of smoke.

"You know smoking will damage your lungs greatly detective." he said probably analyzing your cigarette 

"We all have to die some way."

"Did I do something wrong detective? What made you leave the room? "

You shook your head "it just brought some bad memories."

The android looked at you "the attack on one of cyber life's shareholder's house, your father?"

You were taken back by his question, but you nodded sadly looking at the burning cigarette.

"But the attackers weren't androids, there is no similarities between the two cases."

You chuckled " when you're hurting you start seeing similarities everywhere Connor."


	2. standing at a door step

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this chapter, I feel like a complete disaster.

It always ended up with you standing at Hank's door knocking, your hand was suspended in the air mid knock, it was raining, your thoughts raced in your mind, last time you found Hank unconscious with a gun next to him, you knew deep down he was suicidal, he blamed himself for Cole, your eyes descended to the floor with the thought of that young boy.

"We will come to see you, dad promised!" the child exclaimed excitedly into the phone.

"Cole, the weather will be bad, you guys don't have to come, I'll come on Christmas, I promise."

"You said you'd be there for my birthday, you promised too." you could hear the disappointment in his voice as he spoke.

"I did promise, and I'm sorry, but I also promised to be the youngest detective in Detroit, I'm working on that."

"you'll be the best cop in the world," he stated proudly.

a small smile was tugging at the edges of your lips, "Cole, I have to go now I'll talk to you later this evening okay."

"You won't. " your chest tightened hearing those words, heart filled with dread, for some unknown reason.

"Cause I'll give you the biggest hug in the world this evening."

He was right, you won't talk to him after that phone call ended, but he was wrong, he would never give you that hug, he died on the way to your apartment.

you wiped the tear that rolled down your cheek, as a shiver ran down your spine reminding you of where you stood, you drew another deep breath, and knocked again, "Hank, it's me, please open the door."

you pleaded with the solid wood of the door, yet no answer came from the other side of the door, you jumped when a hand tapped your shoulder gently, turning to a confused Connor looking back at you.

"Is everything alright detective? I detect, emotional instability, and you seem to have been crying."

you nodded, wiping away more stray tears.

"I'm fine Connor you're here to see Hank too?"

The android nodded, "another murder has been reported, so I arrived to get the lieutenant."

you nodded, regaining your composure, "well He is not answering the door."

the android nodded going behind the house.

"where do you think you're going?" you yelled after him.

"finding a way inside the house," he called back.

The sound of broken glass, brought you back to your senses, the image of Hank dead body next to a fucking revolver, flashing in your mind.

Maybe he found out about the blanks you switched with real bullets.

That thought, alone made you sick to your stomach, you should have told someone you should have gotten him help.

going into his kitchen, watching as helplessly as you did when you were little, crawling to the man, searching Connor's face for answers as he analyzed him, unable to wait for the android's answer you checked his pulse, your shaking digits, finding a steady beat.

"what the fuck are you two doing here?" he was awake, drunk but awake.

Connor carried the man to sober him up, and by some miracle, managed to convince him to be a part of the investigation, for a murder reported not long ago.

While you were still on the ground, hugging your knees looking at the gun, you checked the bullet this one was real he found out what you did, your stomach dropped, realizing how he must have figured it out.

Connor was looking at Cole's picture, he then turned his attention to the gun in your hands, " He plays Russian roulette, he wants to die too," You whispered looking down, "what's the point of living if you have no one?" You asked, looking at the picture frame in his hand.

"He has you," the android answered, "I can detect a strong emotional attachment to the lieutenant, it must mean he means a lot to you."

The android was stating facts you already knew, you'd do anything for Hank, you did his work when he couldn't and walked to his house every evening to make sure he was alive, but you were comforted by his words, you sent a small smile his way.

Connor smiled back, you didn't know if that smile was real or just his social program, springing into action, you welcomed having someone there with you, even if it was, an android.

"He was the officer, that took me out of my house when my parents were shot, he cared for me ever since."

the android nodded his Led flashing with yellow lights as he processed the information, " Which means you see him as family, correct?"

You nodded, petting Sumo who sat next to you at this point.

"Are you two going to keep standing there?" came the irritated question of the lieutenant.

"Coming, when did you become so excited about work? " You asked, trying to mask the laugh in your voice.

To Connor it was confusing how quickly you managed to mask your emotions around Hank, how you acted like you didn't see the gun or question him about it, he also wondered why you didn't get him help, wasn't that the rational thing to do.

******

Eden club, always kept you feeling uneasy, you passed it every day going home from work.

That feeling didn't go away, as you stood at the entrance, it was the last place you expected you'd be.

Places like these stripped everything of its meaning, walking into the room you saw the victim, dead eyes vacant staring at the ceiling, an android was shut down on the floor across the room.

You heard Hank talking, but you tuned everything out, thinking about this guy, who he was, what happened to him, did he have a family questions you asked yourself whenever you saw a person with his life stripped away from him.

"Are you sure you're allowed in here princess." you blinked looking at the hand on your shoulder, then a Gavin who was grinning at you.

You flinched hearing Reed's joke about your age again, sending a death glare his way, but before you could say anything, Connor answered him," I can understand your anger detective Reed, seeing another human accomplishment can trigger an unpleasant feeling in humans, I believe it's called jealousy."

You heard Hank stifle a laugh as Gavin walked out shouldering the android on his way out, "as if I'd be jealous of her, fuck this."

Giving Connor a kind smile you chuckled, "He is right Connor, I'll never be as good as he is, he ruled out murder just by looking at the crime scene." you said walking to the corpse.

"How does jumping to conclusions make you a better detective?" Connor asked, confused clearly, he never heard of sarcasm.

You studied the lifeless body of the man, he had markings on his neck, which Connor pointed out, but if the android was damaged, across the room from him, how'd it kill him?

You walked out of the room, leaving the two investigators behind, searching the ceiling for surveillance cameras.

"bingo!" you smiled, seeing one right outside.

Going to the back to look at the footage.

You knew that Traci wasn't alone, you just had to prove it, he rented more than one traci, you could almost see what happened in your mind, he killed one traci, the other went into an emotionally stressful situation, it became deviant, and killed the man in self-defense.

You sighed, going through the footage, he did rent two, and only one left the room, a blue-haired traci you were about to deliver your findings to the other two companions, but someone hit your head from behind, and then nothing, the darkness consumed you.

*******

"Kid talk to me damn it."

Your eyes fluttered open, and you saw hank, and the lights they were too bright, you averted your gaze and held your head in pain as headache took over," what happened ?" you asked confused.

"You were Fuckin attacked, how many times did I tell you not to go snoopin around without me!" he yelled, you blinked, trying to focus, "I'm okay, I'm not a child." you yelled back, "I don't need you to protect me."

He rubbed the bridge of his nose, "you could have gotten yourself killed. " 

You glared at the man, "at least tell me you caught it."

Connor, who stood not far from you two seemed to shift, uncomfortably at your question.

when you looked at the android, you could see thirium staining his shirt, "are you damaged ?" you asked, and the android shook his head "it's nothing detective, but the deviants managed to escape."

"it's better this way," Hank said calmly.

"deviants, there were more than just one, and you let them get away?"

Hank raised his arms in defense, "don't look at me, boy wonder here decided not to shoot."

_"shoot them, Chloe."_

You shook with anger, walking to the android, shoving with all your might, "why didn't you shoot, you fuckin piece of plastic."

You kept hitting him, "how many have to die because you refused to pull the trigger? answer me!"

"That's enough, Kid." Hank yelled harshly, "it was in self-defense, those deviants didn't do anything wrong, they just wanted to be together, and free."

You turned, looking at him, " you, agree with this?"

Your disbelief was soon, replaced by anger,

"Why didn't you shoot? because you needed them alive for your precious mission," you yelled, at the android.

"I don't know why I did it."

He said, almost ashamed of what he had done, "I don't know detective, I'm sorry."

Biting your lip you looked down, "I'm sorry," it was you apologizing this time, the android's head snapped in your direction, "I've gotten two different situations mixed, I'm sure what you did was for the best."

The android nodded, " you don't have to apologize detective."

"As much as I love watchin you two apologizing to each other all day, we gotta get movin."

"Where to? " you asked confused, usually Hank, would rush home to continue drinking.

"you'll know when we get there."

Without asking any further questions, you followed.

*******

The second you arrived at that bench, memories attacked you mercilessly, memories of laughter, of better days, when he was still here, before.

You turned to Hank your eyes questioning him, yet you said nothing.

The older man seemed deep in thought, drinking, you sat there in silence looking at the river, it was almost peaceful if it wasn't for the thousand thought racing in your mind.

"I used to come here a lot before." he calmly stated taking another gulp of his beer, you turned to him confused, you knew that but then you realized he wasn't talking to you, Connor was standing to his left.

"Can I ask you a personal question lieutenant?"

You looked down, wondering what on earth was this android going to ask?"

"Why are you so determined to kill yourself?" he said, and your head, shot up at the question, "Connor you can't just-"

Hank raised his hand, stopping you midsentence.

"Somethings I just can't forget, whatever I do they're always there eating away at me, I don't have the guts to pull the trigger," he glanced at you, before continuing," so I kill myself a little every day, that's probably difficult for you to understand, huh, Connor?"

You remained quiet, listening to the man, maybe if you talked to him more, if you reached out to him as Connor did, thing's wouldn't be as shitty as, they were now.

You felt, a bang of jealousy, this android was doing what you failed for years to do in just a couple of days.

You got up not wanting to cry in front of Hank, "I need to smoke." you stated, leaving the two to their conversation, it was tearing you apart already.

You tried to clear your head, why didn't you ever talk to Hank about his suicidal tendencies.

You just watched as he suffered, you knew the answer to that question, you were a coward, you were afraid that by addressing those things, you'd make them real, and you were selfish, you didn't want Hank to leave you alone in the world, you were afraid that talking to him about it , would make him just do it faster.

Connor was the only one there when you returned, "Lieutenant Hank left, he said he wanted to think."

you nodded looking at the view, "why did you stay?" you asked, not looking at him.

"Parks, become dangerous at night, I thought you shouldn't be alone."

Happiness was something you felt hearing those words, lightness of heart knowing someone cared about you.

"When I was six I had no friends." you explained, " my only friend was my father's personal assistant Chloe, there were days, when I forgot that she was an android, she felt alive at times," you let out a heavy sigh, "I asked her to defend my parents,"

but her programming, she wouldn't do it, I never wanted to depend on another android for the rest of my life, but then Cole needed surgery, and I stood in front of his O.R praying so that the android managed to save his life," you choked on a sob, "Cole, didn't make it."

You let out a shuddering breath, as you hugged yourself for warmth.

"Perhaps, we should get you to someplace warmer, detective?" 

He looked at you waiting for an answer, you smiled shaking your head, "I'm fine Connor, I'd like to stay here a while if you don't mind."

He nodded, as moved closer to him seeking the warmth that radiated from his body, "I'm sorry, I called you a fuckin piece of plastic." you said with a small smile "you're not just a piece of plastic."

he shook his head, " I'm a prototype sent to help in the deviancy investigation, but you're technically not wrong, I am made of plastic."

A small laugh escaped you, looking back at him, your brows knitted together when you saw him looking at you, if you didn't know any better you'd say he was staring lost in something, yet that look made your heart skip a beat, you felt another shiver run down your spine, Conner wrapped his arms around you and pulled you closer to him, "it's to keep you warm." he explained looking at the river unfazed, you, on the other hand, were flustered, and pink dusted your cheeks.

You did not attempt to move that day, you remained in his embrace studying his features, to any passerby, it would look like you two were a couple contemplating the view of that frozen river. 


	3. Shaken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post a new chapter every Wednesday, I'd like to hear your opinions on the story so far, as always kudos are much appreciated you guys are the best.

Your eyes fluttered open at the sound of your alarm, everything from the night before seemed like a dream, yet you knew it wasn't.  
Staring at the white ceiling of your bedroom, ignoring the buzzing of the alarm clock, getting out of bed was always hard, the second you opened your eyes everything came crashing down on you at once, the pain of losing those you loved, the uncertainties, doubts, fears.  
It all suffocated you so early in the morning, rendering you almost powerless, yet you got up refusing to succumb to those dark thoughts, you walked to your closet, thinking today might be different, thinking today you would find a new reason to live.

you slipped your shoes on checking your reflection in the mirror, before the T.V caught your attention, an android without his skin was making an announcement, you stood there frozen watching as he made his demands, the screen went static when he was done yet your eyes refused to leave the screen.  
It took a minute to decompose yourself, you jumped to your car and headed to the T.V station, your eyes were, fixed on the road knuckles were white, hand's clutching tightly on the steering wheel.  
Those deviants, are becoming organized, they started showing themselves, they made demands, wanting to be, treated like humans, as equals, you weren't sure why that left you feeling uneasy.

All the fears and doubts you felt were, squashed once you arrived at the location, you took a deep breath before the crumbling emotional mess you were just minutes ago turned into a professional detective.  
The swarm of journalists trying to get a statement didn't faze you, nor did the questioning scared eyes of people who stood nearby.  
And just like every case, you tuned everything out, concentrated entirely on doing your job.

Upon further inspection of the scene, you were one of the first people to arrive, Hank, wasn't there yet.  
"How many times did I tell you not to go snoopin around without me." You could practically hear him yelling.

You made your way to the elevator, but a hand stopped you, turning to get a better look at the man, this intruder, interfering, stopping your work.

"It's a restricted area, Ms you should have the proper authorization."

Pushing your jacket aside to give him a better view of your badge biting back retort that will probably get you a disciplinary action, " I believe I do have the authorization, to be upstairs."  
looking him straight in the eyes, challenging him, "Now if you'll excuse me, you're in the way of my investigation."  
The man chuckled, letting go of your arm, "this investigation will be passed down to us soon, so I won't bother if I were you."

You ignored him, he was annoying, and frankly, he started to get on your nerves, walking to the elevator, with him close behind, "I'm special agent Perkins."  
He introduced himself, standing to your left.  
Giving him a nod, but still ignoring the fact that he expected you to do the same.  
Once the elevator's door opened, you left it like it was on fire.  
Scanning the premises as you did so, a long corridor, a counter, and cameras above each door.  
Does not leave many places to hide, you listened to what officer miller was saying,still trying to ignore Perkins, who was just three steps behind.

They were taking the station androids to the kitchen, studying their faces, every detail, every imperfection purposefully there to put humans like you at ease, yet those same imperfections made you feel anxious.  
Those thoughts left your mind, the second one of the android's eyes, seemed to follow you, in an almost nervous manner, a text book suspect. 

Thinking nothing of it at first, ignoring that nagging voice that urged you to investigate that android, one you choose to overlook, in favor of reviewing other evidence.  
The android you suspected will have to wait.

there were smudges of blue blood around the control room, an android got damaged, and since you saw all the station androids in one peace, this blood must belong to one of the attacking deviants.

You followed the trail to the roof, where the androids made their escape, following every stain to a closed door.  
You flinched hearing commotion downstairs, followed by the deafening sound of a single bullet, you moved away from the door, taken aback by the sound of yells that followed, hearing the word deviant being repeated as you descended the stairs.

Moving faster to the corridor you knew for a fact the shot came from.  
An android, on the floor, Connor was offering a gun to an FBI agent that stood nearby, and for some reason, your heart sunk when you saw his fingers stained with blue.  
Standing, in front of him you saw his stained shirt, and for the first time since Chloe, you felt worried to overcome you for the safety of a machine, the machine that stood before you.  
You watched from a distance, afraid to ask, afraid to make a move, this wasn't happening, you were not getting attached to a piece of plastic.  
"Are you hurt detective?"

His voice broke your state of trance, and you could see him checking you for any signs of injury due to your lack of response.  
"You weren't standing here before, were you?" he asked still running check after check to make sure you were alright.  
shaking your head was all you could do, your heart was beating loudly, so loud it reached everyone's ears.  
"You alright there, Kid?" it was Hank this time asking the same question.

"I'm fine I was just... When I heard the gunshot, I thought... I thought someone got hurt."  
It took you a while to calm down, but you were still baffled, by the fact you were in such state after seeing a machine damaged.  
That thought echoed, in your brain, perhaps you saw a friend in that machine.  
"I think we should see Kamski." it was the first thing you said during that car ride.  
Connor seemed, to agree, his LED, flashing yellow, "I made an appointment, we should be able to meet him tomorrow."  
nodding you turned your attention back to the streets outside,  
"in the station detective, you seemed distressed, why was that?" It was an innocent question, a simple one, yet the answer was far from simple, if you were honest, you didn't know why,

Were you anthropomorphizing an android?  
Seeing human characteristics, when there wasn't any or were you only feeling guilt, you knew something was wrong with that android, you chose to ignore your gut feeling.  
Had that android killed anyone, it would be all your fault.

"I thought someone died because of me," you whispered, your eyes now fixed on your feet.

"I don't see how you could cause it if you were not present at the time," he was genuinely trying to understand your reason to be upset. 

"I knew it was deviant," you had a feeling, "I should have followed my instincts, investigated further, I should have been the one interrogating that android," your voice was a perfect reflection of the doubt you felt.

"But if you interrogated that deviant, it would have attacked you." He interjected.

"It attacked you," you explained, "you could have been, killed." guilt was eating you up at this point.

"I'm an android detective, I can be, replaced, while you cannot." his eyes were focused on the road ahead.

"everyone is replicable Connor, that doesn't mean you can throw yourself at danger." you balled your hands into fists, your knuckles were white, and your eyes burned, you were angry with him. 

"I'm sorry, detective, I.. I don't know what to say."  
He was sincere, entirely out of words, his LED was flashing yellow, his mouth opened and closed, yet he said nothing.

"They didn't hook you up with a social program to deal with an angry detective." you quipped, a small smile was playing at the edges of your lips.  
Hank always pointed out how quickly it was for you to calm down, after practically wanting to set the whole world on fire just minutes before.  
He looked thoughtful, for a moment, " They did, but I'm not sure any of my replies, would diffuse the situation." he reasoned stopping at a red light.  
You let out a small laugh, noting how Connor seemed to stare at you when you laughed.

"I've always wondered Connor, what would be the first thing you'd do if you ever became deviant?" the question caught him off guard, he didn't move when the light turned green.

For a moment, your gaze met, he seemed lost, sad even, "I self-test regularly detective, I know what I am and what I am not."

It almost seemed like he regretted saying those words like he wanted to say more.

"yes, that's what you're programmed to say, but what do you want?" the question made him avert his gaze, were you making him uncomfortable?

"W..What I want is not important." for a moment you felt sorry for him, he seemed so troubled.

"That's not true, it is important," a sigh escaped you, " truth is Connor, even humans don't know what they want at times," you admitted.

"I... want," he paused, and you turned your attention back to him, " I want you to know, that I am glad you didn't question that deviant." he was staring vacantly at his hands as it gripped the stirring wheel just a bit tighter.

His eyes followed your hand as it touched the back of his, to your eyes, you were smiling at him,  
"I'm glad you're okay, Connor, I was scared when I thought that deviant got you." it was a whisper meant only for his ears.  
"Thank you, detective," for the first time since meeting, Connor at the precinct the other day, you didn't have to question whether his smile was genuine or not, you knew.  
"you're welcome, Connor," the smile didn't flatter, not for a second.

He was an android, a machine built to accomplish a task, yet that thought left you uncomfortable, you didn't see a piece of plastic anymore, no matter how unreasonable that was, even for just a second you saw a living being.


	4. Of fear and loss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this, excuse me while I gather the pieces of my broken heart.

Hank warned you, he didn't want you near Kamski, but you refused to let your past get in the way of work, and now you stood in an almost tranced haze, seeing a Chloe model answer the door brought back all those painful memories.

You should have listened you were too stubborn, everything sounded muffled, somewhat distant, maybe you weren't ready to see Elijah again, to see all those androids that resembled an android you once called a friend.

when you looked up, however, Connor was carrying a gun, pointed directly at the Chloe model from minutes ago.

Walking to the android, you almost couldn't recognize him, he looked cold, calculating, and his eyes were distant, he looked nothing human at the time.

He, almost flinched when you touched his hand, you didn't move, you didn't attempt to lower the gun, you wanted to see if was going to pull the trigger.

His eyes met yours, and they were back, he was back, "it's not worth it, Connor." You whispered, pleading, hoping you got to the android.

He hesitantly gave the gun back to Kamski who looked nothing short of amused, "Cyber life's last hope to save humanity... Is itself a deviant."

Connor looked troubled, his eyes frantically traveled between Kamski and you, "I.." He began, he sounded so lost, it broke your heart, "I'm not a deviant." he defended, looking at Kamski.

"Connor, let's go," you whispered, giving his hand a small squeeze.

Kamski watched the exchange with great curiosity, a smirk slowly making its way to his face.

"let's leave." you pleaded with the android.

Connor was, frozen in place, still staring at the spot where Chloe kneeled minutes prior, he remained like that until Hank moved him.

And thus, began the ride back to the station.

_"I saw her eyes and I couldn't."_

That was what he said in his defense, yet you saw his eyes he was going to shoot, you saw that icy, cold, calculating stare.

You knew he wasn't talking about the android he was talking about you.

The touch broke him out of that state.

Guilt was one of the emotions you felt, insignificant as it was, you couldn't help but wonder what would happen if would let him take that shot, all the answers you could have gotten out of Kamski.

That guilt was, shattered by the sense of pride that filled your chest, you were proud of Connor.

The android sitting next to Hank, quietly making a report to cyber life, he made the right call.

That pride didn't stop you from standing in his way, as he attempted to leave the archive room.

"Detective, you don't understand, I found the location of Jericho."

He tried to reason with you, yet he didn't have to, you were not there to stop him, "You are not going anywhere without me." you stated, firmly your eyes never leaving his.

"Detective, I can't." he was desperately trying to keep you here.

"We have so little time Connor I can help, I'm not letting you go without me." 

"Detective, please, you don't understand." he pleaded.

"I'm coming with you, I'm asking you to trust me." you insisted, still maintaining the eye contact, "They're coming, Connor, do you trust me?"

He sighed defeated, "You're stubborn."

You smiled proudly at him, "One of my best qualities. " you shrugged, following him.

*******

The entire trip was spent in comfortable silence until he decided to break it, "How will we explain a human in Jericho?"

"They don't have to know I'm human Connor," you answered, checking your gun, making sure it was in working order.

"And in case they found out, we need a plan B." he argued.

"We say we are in love, the humans would never accept our relationship, so we ran away to Jericho, hoping to be together." you chuckled ,"don't worry Connor, I thought of everything." you reassured him placing a hand on his, "it will be fine, you worry too much."

He nodded, not meeting your gaze, "I just don't want you to get, hurt detective."

"I'll be fine, Connor, I'm a police detective, I'm not as fragile as you paint me out to be." you holstered the gun, " we have to stop this rebellion, it's our mission." you were not sure how much of that statement was directed at you rather than at him.

He nodded in silent agreement and began playing with his prized coin.

You ignored, the feeling you had, with the question Hank asked you so many times in the past few days.

What if you were fighting for the wrong side, denying people who wanted to be free, their freedom?

What if Chloe was deviant then, wouldn't she shoot, save your parents?

You hated androids because they followed every order, why were you trying to stop them now?

The answer was simple lives would be lost, good people will die, and you swore to protect those innocent lives.

This was, to stop a civil war before it started.

It would prevent chaos.

Elijah was, right you were picking one of two evils.

At least you were familiar with how evil humans were.

Your resolution, to fight androids was challenged not thirty minutes after it was born.

They all looked like people, scared and desperate, like people you have sworn to protect.

Shaking that terrifying thought away, you continued, onward.

You can't, pick both sides, there wasn't a scenario where both sides won, where humans and androids lived together in harmony.

Humans failed, to live peacefully, and fought among themselves for centuries they slaughtered each other.

Adding another army to the equation only made this awful world ten times worse.

Who were you to make such decisions, what gave you the right to determine the fate of other people?

People who wanted nothing but freedom.

You felt someone tap your shoulder, and you turned, the damaged android gave you a motherly smile before she spoke, "Are you what brings us together, or are you what will tear us apart?"

She said, nothing more, she turned walking away from you.

Blinking a couple of times, you tried to process what she just told you, what did she mean, in your panicked state you lost sight of Connor.

You looked around frantically, trying to Locate your partner, you tried moving upstairs, but then before you could take another step, sounds of explosions filled your ears.

You must have been close to the explosion, the white light that filled your vision and the ringing in your ears was telltale signs.

Laying on the floor, you watched helplessly as the deadly rain of bullets tore everything in its way apart, the screams of the androids, the smell of dust and Blue blood filled the air.

Thirium smelled nothing like human blood, but it smelled of death just the same.

Your hands shook, you tried to push yourself off the rust-covered floor, struggling to stand on your feet, your hand searched, for your badge but it wasn't with you, it must have fallen amidst all this chaos.

"Hands where I can see them!" yelled a swat team member, holding you at gunpoint.

"I'm human, I'm a police detective, My badge number is-" He didn't let you finish, he fired, the sound of that gunshot was the last thing you heard, before the immense pain in your left shoulder took over, warm liquid seeped down your arm and dripped to the floor.

Your shaking right hand covered the wound before it turned, palm facing the man who assaulted you seconds prior.

"I...bleed red. " desperately trying to convince him, with your blood-covered hand.

*******

Connor was going back through the metal corridors of Jericho, going to the last place he saw you, he should have never left you behind, he calculated you'd be safest there, he was wrong.

North grabbed his arm stopping him, "It's suicide Connor why are you risking your life for one of them she is human, they hate us" she argued.

"I can't leave her." He pleaded, "I have to save her." he tried to explain, but he couldn't.

He didn't understand it himself, but the first thing he wanted to do once he became deviant, was to see your face, he finally knew the answer to that question, you once asked him,

_"I've always wondered Connor, what would be the first thing you'd do if you ever became deviant?"_

He wanted to see your smile, hear you laugh.

"But why?" North asked gritting her teeth.

"Because I know if it weren't for her I'd have no reason to desire freedom." the female could tell he was being sincere, he could tell she didn't agree, but she let go of his arm, none the less, and watched as he disappeared, down the corridor.

He analyzed each one of the fallen, feeling relief when he realized none of them were you.

Evading the armed men at every turn, he needed to get to you, and he needed to do so fast.

Ten thousand scenarios were all rushing through his mind at once, almost all of which ended with you in a pool of your blood.

_"What's your biggest fear Connor? " you once asked him, you were, in a good mood that particular morning, Humming tunes, from your favorite song, as you made your morning coffee._

_"I don't feel fear detective I am an android." he reminded you._

_"What is your biggest fear, detective?" he returned your question._

_"I fear many things, Connor, I fear I might make the wrong call, and someone might pay the price, losing someone I hold dearly again," you paused, "And that I might Die alone, on a mission with no one around, with no hand to hold, dark, isn't it?" You told him, mood changing, but you gave him a small smile._

It was hard to tell, where the screaming was coming from, the frightened pleadings came from everywhere, the song of the anguished filled the night, as he continued onward, hoping he'd see you where he left you, unharmed, he could almost see you standing there, but when he walked through the last metal door, you were there, barely able to stand rising your shaking right hand in front of you, pleading for your own life.

*******

"I...bleed red. " desperately trying to convince him, with your blood-covered hand.

"Shit, Lady I almost killed ya," the man in front of you whispered, before he requested medical evacuation, he tried to stop the bleeding ,"it'll be okay, you'll make it-" he stopped moving , an android stood behind him crying a gun, "Humans took everything from me, I loved her." you silently watched him, noticing his injury that almost mirrored your own, his dripped of blue blood, " you led them here." he spat accusing you of causing all this mess, "say something, human," he demanded, but you said nothing, all hopes of surviving squashed with every step he took your way, you raised your right hand, but it wasn't to beg him, this android was beyond the point of reason.

It was a pathetic attempt to fight, You lived all your life afraid of dying on a mission, without comfort, you had so many regrets, you had so many things you wanted to say to Hank, Hank was going to be alone now, and you'd never get the chance to say goodbye.


	5. The decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It took me ages to post this I'm very sorry I was awfully sick, the updates will be every Wednesday like they used to be.  
> thank you for your kind words and kudos , they keep me going.

The image of the android before you started to get blurry as he walked closer, and amongst all the sounds around you, his footsteps were the loudest.  
Walking in sickening slow motion, soon the sounds around you were reduced to two, the sound of his steps, and the sound of your shaking breath.  
  
The android's eyes carried so much anger, hate, and grief.  
He blamed you for everything, and he was right.  
You caused all of this pain, to those androids, you ripped his loved one away, you deserved to die at his hands.  
  
You barely had any family left, Hank was the only one you considered to be a real family a surrogate father, and even he was falling apart.  
  
If you were, to be honest with yourself, three people died when Cole did. You only became a detective because you promised him you'd be, after his death, you became a mere shell.  
  
You acted, as if it didn't affect you as much, but you blamed yourself for his death, it was your fault, if you visited often, he would have stayed at home that night.  
  
He would still be amongst the living if it weren't for how selfish you were.  
  
Maybe you deserved to die like this you deserved to be alone at a time like this.  
  
That's why it was so terrifying because you knew it was inevitable.  
  
The gun was now, pressed to your forehead, and with the cold kiss of death you let out a small breath, accepting everything, giving up, hoping for the mercy of seeing people you loved again.  
  
With that thought, you opened your eyes again, meeting the cold eyes of your soon to be executioner, you saw a silhouette just behind him, one of a small boy, the boy was looking at you waiting.  
  
It could have been your imagination, maybe you've hit your head when you fell, but at that moment that boy was there, and he was waiting for your death.  
  
Maybe that was, Cole, perhaps he was there to help you through this, as farfetched as it was, you clung to that small hope.  
  
Images of your parents filled your mind, old memories, ones that made you feel at peace.  
  
And with this small kindness the world offered you before you departed, you closed, your eyes fully accepting your fate, fully accepting all your sins and all the mistakes you made in your life.  
  
The sound of six gunshots fired tore that state of peace and voices rushed back into your now burst bubble, the explosions the screams, and the terrifying sounds of the androids, it all came crashing down on you at once, you felt no pain, the cold gun against your forehead slipped away.  
  
The android was kneeling motionless his wounds, were flashing bright blue and his eyes stared vacantly at the floor.  
He died, and you lived.  
*******  
He didn't know fear, not before this moment, but when he saw you so close to death, he knew this was his biggest fear.  
  
  
He feared your death, losing you, being free in a world where you didn't exist, and he was, faced with a choice, kill the android, his kind, to save a human or let the android live, murdering you in the process.  
  
At that moment, the world came to a halt, everything stopped he didn't see the burning ship, or hear the screams of the androids.  
  
All he saw was an AP 700 model, a gun, and you at the other end.  
  
He didn't think about his actions or what he was about to do, his finger pulled the trigger, repeating the same action over and over, even long after he was out of bullets.  
  
The attacking android fell to his knees, and the world moved again, you were staring at a dead android.  
  
His legs moved on their own, he rushed to your side, his LED flashing red, his scanner showed one wound, caused by a bullet to your left shoulder, one that wasn't life-threatening, he kept telling himself, all he had to do was to stop the bleeding, Just stop the bleeding, just like he did countless times before so why were his hands trembling now.  
  
Maybe it was the lack of reaction on your part, it could indicate an injury his scanner couldn't pick, in this state, nothing could have slowed his processors faster than the look on your face when you looked at him, the fear persisted, but he could think, he could finally move.  
  
You searched his face, for answers knowing something was different, he gently pressed your wound trying to stop the bleeding, neither of you talked, you didn't question him, and he didn't explain.  
  
An explanation was meaningless.  
It didn't matter why he came back against his programming, or why he seemed different, This moment, this tiny moment held all the comfort in the world his small touches held all the comfort in the world, and that helped calm you.  
for that tiny moment, the chaos and destruction were, long forgotten, that perfect little moment also marked the time you forgot who you were, a moment where you were not human, and he was not an android, where it all didn't matter.  
A moment where he could kiss you, and you would kiss him back, a moment, torn by another explosion.  
"We need to get you to safety," he spoke first.  
"Do you think you can stand? " he asked, putting your good arm around his shoulder.  
  
A small nod was all you could give, and it was all he needed.  
  
He led you away from the humans, where you thought was safe, leading you to where androids ran instead.  
  
"Connor, where are we going?" your voice was raspy like you were the source of every scream that erupted that night.  
  
You felt heavier, he was supporting most of your weight, limp, and the feeling of dread only grew when he offered no answer.  
  
It was a nightmare, where you were just a bystander, helpless, you could see everything that was happening, yet you had no power to change it.  
  
You wanted to run back to humans, where you belonged, it was the rational thing to do, yet you did not attempt to.  
You ignored the need to get to safety, ignored the need to get away from vengeful androids, allowing Connor, an android, to lead you to where he thought was safe.  
  
All sounds around you were, muffled you didn't know if it was blood loss, or your desire to tune it all out, to disappear into the comforting darkness, to face none of this.  
  
The comfort was taken away, by an angry female android, she was yelling, "We have no time, she can't come, she won't survive the jump, humans are not like us."  
  
She was facing away from you, talking to another android, were they deciding your fate? Not even looking at you, not caring what you had to say.  
  
Connor was pleading with them both, "she can make it, I can't just leave her here."  
  
This scene was too familiar, it was the second time, you depended on androids to save your life.  
  
The first being when you begged Chloe to save your parents, Even Markus's lone blue eye reminded you of her calculated gaze as she refused.  
  
the sound of gunshots was getting closer, announcing how little time they all had, their leader walked to your android companion, " the decision is Connors, but you should know, her chances of survival will go down by thirty percent, if she jumped into the frozen water, there is very little we could do for her once we get to the safe house."  
  
Connor pulled you closer to him, though you could tell he didn't make his decision yet, you could hear your pursuers in the distance, "you have to go, Connor, we'll both die at this rate." you tried to reason with him.  
  
He knew the statistics, the chances of you dying were high, even if he left you behind.  
  
He didn't know what to do, for the very first time in his life he had no logical answer or a way out, He searched your face for an answer, you looked scared, even if you wore a brave facade, he spoke gently his voice a polar opposite of what he felt of what the situation deemed normal, "I can't make the decision for you detective, but if you choose to come with me, I will do everything in my power to keep you alive." it was both a promise and a selfish plea.  
  
The voice in your head demanding your return to humans, was ten times louder now, you were, torn but that voice was getting louder by the minute, it was becoming deafening, harder to ignore, it blurred everything else.  
They were coming, increasing your panic Until you looked into his eyes, they weren't cold, nor calculating, it took one look to melt the voice away, you knew you could die, but you didn't want this warm feeling to go away.  
  
  
  
  
"I'll jump.", you were never so sure about anything, with those simple words he wrapped his arms around you, you tried to focus on his face, his so human face, as you both fell.  
  
Pain, you felt an incredible amount of pain, before it all went numb, you shivered against the android as he followed the rest.  
  
It became harder to breathe the pain in your shoulder was nothing compared to this.  
  
You could barely feel your fingers as the frozen water rapidly stole whatever heat your body had.  
  
  
Trying to focus, despite the warmth that radiated from the android by your side, it paled in comparison to the cold river.  
  
Your eyes were getting heavy you were beyond the point of exhaustion, the last thing you saw was Connors focused profile before it all went black.  
  
  
*******  
Connor tried to fight the fear that filled his system.  
You grew heavier, as you lost consciousness, your head swayed helplessly with his every movement.  
It was when your eyes closed, and when your Lips lost their natural color in favor of a blue alien hue, he knew the exact meaning of terror.  
  
Never in his life has he hated the color blue as he did today, never in his life has he felt as helpless as he did at this moment.  
  
That feeling of terror didn't disappear when you were taken, by the few medical androids left in Jericho, it multiplied.  
  
They had so little equipment, Jericho wasn't equipped to treat humans in its best of days, now it could barely treat androids, and he was to  
blame.  
  
He reported the location.  
  
He hated himself for bringing you with him, he should have left you behind.  
  
He hated himself for jumping into frozen water despite knowing the chances of your survival.  
  
Reconstructing the scenario in his mind a thousand times over, had he leave you behind, Perkins leading this operation perhaps would recognize you, take you to a hospital, where you'd be safe.  
  
Away from him and his cursed kind.  
  
  
  
He knew he brought you here because of the other possibility, the one that included hearing a single gunshot after jumping into the water, the sound that would mean your death.  
He, wanted to be free so he could be with you, He was a fool you were human an intelligent beautiful human.  
Naturally, you'd want nothing to do with an android.  
And yet he dared to dream, even when he was a machine, he'd reply the bits and pieces of his memory,  
Where he kept you hidden from Cyber life's technicians.  
  
your kind smiles, and sound of your laughter, the way you allowed him to hug you that day by the river, he told himself he was trying to get to know you better nothing more, he ignored the warmth it brought him, it was ironic how those same memories taunted him now, as he watched your hand hanging limply by your side.


	6. Uncertainty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was hard to go back to writing after losing someone who meant the world to me, it was a shock that caused my life to halt, healing will be a long process part of that was going back to writing again. 
> 
> I'm sorry it took me a long time to update my stories, but I'm working on getting them updated again and finishing them.
> 
> hope you like this chapter, leave your opinion in the comments.
> 
> *******

He stayed by your side, ignoring everyone around him.

The disapproving looks of other androids, ignoring how the android taking care of you, asked him to leave because there was nothing he could do.

There was nothing to be done, all he could do was wait for your temperature to rise and for you to survive the night.

He, for the first time in his life, hoped he'd get the chance to tell you how he broke his programming, felt everything at once, fear, worry, even love.

Trying to remember every detail because he wanted to tell you everything, but most importantly, he wanted to tell you how he felt about you.

He wanted to convince you of all people, that he was alive, wanted you to believe he wasn't a machine if you believed him, then the rest of the world didn't matter.

He studied your sleeping face.

He could summarize the whole universe in your sleeping face.

Connor didn't move, though he begged you to.

*******

"what's on your mind, detective?" he asked, placing a fresh cup of coffee on your desk.

You looked distracted that morning, or you seemed to be ever since the deviants at the Eden club incident.

"I've been thinking, about deviants, you wouldn't get it, Connor."

You shook, your head grabbing the cup, "thanks for the coffee."

"Try me, detective." he insisted, however, he wasn't expecting your answer.

"if we were wrong, what if androids were alive?" You thought asking an android would help you put your doubts to bed.

"I'm just a machine, detective, I have no feelings, androids which claim otherwise are defective." It was the textbook answer, he was assertive, yet he felt anything but sure at that moment, even then it stung to admit that fact, he remembers running a test right after.

******* 

"Why do you care so much for a human? She wouldn't do the same for you, and you know that." North tried to reason with him.

He knew she was right.

You would never hesitate to put a bullet in his head, for your people, he would never do the same, even knowing the moment he became deviant, he was no longer on the same page as you anymore.

He remained silent, and north knew she won that argument, but she didn't push the subject any further the pained look that crossed his features was enough to tell her everything she wanted to know.

This android was in love with a human, a human who saw him, as a lifeless machine, she couldn't imagine a crueler fate.

Markus made sure everyone was safe when he spotted the famous deviant hunter.

Still having to decide his fate, he, after all, haunted his people, he heard stories of how he terrorized his people, helped humans hunt them like animals.

And worst of all, he was proud of it. 

Cyber life's last chance to save humanity, was now a deviant, and he had to decide his fate, it was hard Connor was the reason so many died, he was the reason they were in this predicament.

The leader of Jericho walked slowly toward the other android, could he trust him? What if he was lying?

What if he gave away their location again?

Connor could feel Markus walking to him, holding a gun in his right hand, probably going to kill him.

He did not attempt to run, nor to fight.

Holding your hand and waiting for what was to come, was all he could do.

How could Markus trust him after everything he did, Connor took a look around the room, everyone there was looking at him.

They also looked scared, and angry, waiting for his death, they too couldn't trust him.

"I just need one reason not to shoot you," Markus said calmly, he was too calm.

Connor looked at you, "I didn't ... I ." he sighed.

"I understand you have no reason to trust me, but the humans used me."

Connor looked at you one last time, " I turned everyone's life into a living hell, and I have no right to ask for forgiveness, but I want to live."

He faced him knowing he didn't have much of a case, Yet Markus lowered his gun, "what's the point of killing you when in a few hours we'll be all that is left of our kind anyway."

That was when it hit him, a crazy idea that could work, a suicidal mission, the chances were slim, but statistically speaking, there was always a chance for unlikely events to take place, you said that once trying to get him to take you to Jericho.

He knew if he ever wanted to be with you, he'd need this revolution to succeed.

When everyone sees androids as a living being with thoughts and feelings, then perhaps you will too.

He speared you one last look, hoping you'd survive.

He had to make sure you'd live if he failed his mission, to make sure you were safe, even after his likely death.

Brushing your hair out of your face, he didn't want to leave you here, if the worst came to pass, he wanted to be with you.

The sudden pressure of a hand placed on his shoulder caused him to look at the android taking care of you, " I will take her to a proper hospital, I'll make sure she makes it."

The pleasant feeling that filled his chest must be what humans call gratitude, "thank you."

the medical android watched as the deviant hunter leaned and whispered something in the human's ear before he left for his suicide mission. 

*******

You didn't remember much when you opened your eyes, everything around you was white, the ceiling, the sheets, even your clothes.

The familiar beep of a hospital room was then, heard, it was as if your senses slowly awakening your throat was dry, and your eyes felt like they were being pierced with needles when you blinked, it was a little hard to breathe, and you felt a dull pain in your shoulder, but you were alive.

For god knows how long, you were happy you were still breathing.

The room was empty, save for your bed, the many machines you were hocked to, and Hank, who was sleeping on a chair by your bedside.

The vase, next to your bedside was vacant of any flowers, it made you think how this old man sleeping, never left the room for one second to get any.

He'd say something along the lines, of who gives a fuck about flowers just get better, asshole.

You chuckled, never to admit how seeing him almost made you cry.

How much you appreciated him, he was your family, a dysfunctional family, but it was all you had.

The man stirred in his sleep mumbled a curse or two probably directed at the chair, he didn't notice your chuckling figure on the hospital bed yet.

His eyes, though snapped in your direction when he heard it, " You stupid asshole, how dare you scare me like that."

He wanted to seem angry, hide his smile, but he couldn't, he was too happy, happier than you saw him in the past eight years combined.

He was on his feet, hugging you before even finishing his sentence.

*******

The revolution was successful.

He was free, yet he didn't feel that way, he was scared, trapped in uncertainty, part of him was terrified.

He wanted to run away, from the inevitable rejection, and the heartache he heard so much of but was yet to experience.

He heard it felt like your heart is on fire or being crushed, by, an invisible force.

He knew it was fear that drove him out of your hospital room the second the lieutenant's cup was empty.

Fear was an awful emotion.

He wondered how humans managed to function when they felt it.

It paralyzed him as he watched the coffee drop slowly into the paper cup, creating ripples that looked like armies fighting a losing war to escape the walls that held them.

Was he free, or did he escape his prison into a bigger one?

The android took the cup and was ready to make his trip back to your room.

His mind tried to picture a scenario where you'd accept him, plastic and all, one where you'd feel the same about him.

A scenario that warmed his heart while scaring him beyond anything imaginable, if you felt the same, he feared not being able to make you happy, or the fact that you might get hurt for being with him.

The government might have granted androids rights, the public still thought of them as slaves, he lost count of how many hate crimes had occurred since the success of the revolution, androids and sympathizers alike were victims to people who have yet to come in terms with losing their servants.

A scenario where you'd be hurt because you loved a plastic android, was one he couldn't bear, he almost lost you before, he will not subject you to such danger again.

But most importantly, a conversation he once had with you keeps playing in his head whenever he thought he had a chance with you.

*******

_"what are your goals in life, Lieutenant? " he inquired one time, not looking up from his screen._

_ the lieutenant sighed, "Why don't you bother someone else with your shit, will you ?"  _

_ The android complied, his attention moved to you. _

_ You had your hair up in a loose bun, had your lucky sweater on, along with your favorite cup of coffee. _

_ You also looked in a good mood, which also meant you were likely to give him an answer despite being busy.  _

_it was your ritual whenever you were close to cracking a case, he knew he shouldn't interrupt your work, but he also needed to get all the information he could get on humans working with him._

_"What about you, detective, what are your goals in life?"_

_ You paused, for a moment, as if to make sure he was talking to you. _

_ You turned to him, trying to think of an answer that would get him off your back. _

_ Perhaps a generic answer would do, one that would satisfy the curious android. _

_ "nothing special, have a successful career, fall in love, get married, and have a kid or two, grow old with the one I love."  _

_*******_

Your answer kept playing in his mind, reminding him of how he could never give you what you truly wanted, perhaps being alive goes beyond feeling human emotion.

Humans had doubts over their existence, even they were overwhelmed by their emotions, and they were born with it.

He found himself standing in front of your hospital room the door almost mocking him for his inability to walk in, a single sound escaped the locked room and caused him to freeze for an entirely different reason.

The sound of your laughter was a sound he would shut down a hundred times to hear again, that simple melody, caused his systems to freeze.

It was what he longed to hear, yet it also meant you were awake, and he had to face the inevitable, Connor, the android who was in love with the human who laughed inside walked in to seal his fate.


	7. regrets fears and all in between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "she could die, you know that she is something you can't have," the woman, argued still not facing him.
> 
> Connor knew she was right, yet he refused to believe what he already knew too well, he was painfully aware of your differences, he was reminded of it by every android related crime being, reported.
> 
> "Let go of this dream Connor, before it destroys you both."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been more discouraged to release a chapter in my life I have a feeling that this chapter is off like I ruined everything to the point of no going back I'm really sorry if I did  
> please let me know what you think of this catastrophic chapter.

You were in tears laughing as Hank reminded you of your first arrest, however, your laughing stopped when you saw Connor walk in.

He looked the same, except his shirt was wrinkled, and he wasn't wearing his jacket, you felt a bit foolish for searching his features for signs of tiredness.

He was an android, androids didn't feel tired, yet the unkempt look of his clothes and messy hair gave you an idea he has been here for as long as the lieutenant has.

"I told you I didn't need any more coffee Connor." the lieutenant protested, and Connor nodded, still staring at you it was as if you were going to disappear if he looked away.

"I guess I will stretch my legs for a while, Connor has something to tell you anyway." Hank walked out of the room, patting Connor's shoulder on his way out, not giving the android a chance to protest.

The android stood staring at the closed door behind the old man for a good minute, before looking back at you.

He seemed nervous which was odd, it was like he wanted to tell you something but refrained for some reason.

"What happened after I passed out ?" a simple question that proved your ignorance of the current situation.

It was then you noticed he wasn't wearing an armband, your eyes traveled between his vacant arm and his face.

"Androids revaluation was successful, wasn't it?"

All he offered was a small nod looking down, not meeting your gaze.

"I broke my programming on that ship," he admitted his voice was too small like he was afraid.

"I know."

His head snapped back up when you said that, looking at you with wide eyes.

"You know I am a deviant?"

"You came back for me." You explained, " you wouldn't have if you were not a deviant."

He could see the small smile that formed on your lips.

Maybe it was not the reaction he expected, when he told you, you failed your mission.

If you were honest with yourself, your reaction surprised you, but the sense of relief that washed over you when you heard how your mission went was almost tangible.

"I'm glad." the confession poured as did the tears.

The guilt you felt on that ship was almost crushing you.

You heard steps moving closer to your bed, and a hand gently reaching to wipe away your tears.

"Why are you crying?" he was confused, he never saw you cry, before, he saw your puffy eyes once but never your actual tears.

"So many died because of me Connor, humans and androids alike." you stared at your clasped hands, in your lap unable to face him.

His hand reached yours while the other gently turned your face to him "Look at me" he pleaded, and you complied, "those deaths are not your fault, androids died for their freedom and humans died to defend the life they knew, they were afraid of change."

The salience that followed wasn't comforting, it was suffocating you knew what you had to say, you had to accept that it wasn't your fault, that would end this discussion, it did with Hank, and as much as it pained you to lie to hank, you found yourself unable to do the same to Connor.

You couldn't not when he looked you deep in the eyes like he could see the depth of your soul.

When your soul was never this bare in front of anyone like he could reach in and grab any memory he wanted, any secret he wanted.

"But they are my fault," you whispered as you broke, into tears finally allowing your genuine emotions to show.

Finally, allowing someone to see how broken you were.

"That- That android you- killed for me is my fault, the- Man, that- got shot trying to save me is my fault, everyone..."

The rest of your sentence was incoherent, muffled by his clothes.

You found yourself in the embrace of the android.

The android sent by cyberlife, to help with the deviant investigation, the one that kept asking the most annoying questions, at the most annoying times, was now your only source of comfort.

He didn't say anything, just held you while you cried away your sorrows.

You woke up hours later, it was dark in the room now save for a small light that came from the hallway, and the soft yellow Led on Connor's temple.

He was sitting in the chair where Hank was earlier deep in thought.

You didn't know if he saw that you were awake, and if he did, he didn't show it.

But then he talked, filling the ominous silence that drowned the room the moment you woke up.

"I killed that android because he was going to make my life empty again, I would not lose my freedom moments after gaining it." he was still looking at the same spot not looking at you.

"I was scared detective, I had to make a choice, but no matter the path I chose, there was going to be blood, so I made- the selfish decision."

He whispered, " I couldn't bear to lose you, even when I was just a machine."

After his confession, you felt all the guilt from hours earlier, chipping away like an old painting replaced by butterflies in your stomach and the rapid beating of your heart, your breath was caught, making it almost hard to breathe.

The android continued, and despite the fact he didn't need to breathe, he sounded breathless.

"I don't think I can live in a world where you are no longer a part of."

He could see the ghost, of the shy smile that made its way to your features, he could see light returning to your eyes, slowly.

The moment is almost perfect, he could finally tell you how he feels when you are near him properly.

How he can never be truly alive without you, but when the words almost escaped his mind, he closed his mouth, refraining from saying anything.

Frozen by fear perhaps, by your rejection though he knew it was just a lie he feared being with him would hurt her.

he didn't realize he fell quiet, not until he felt your hand on his temple, where his Led was flickering between red and yellow.

your fingers traced the light gently drawing a circle, your hand fell to his cheek gently, he watched your every move, "I love you." he could barely recognize his own voice. 

It was a whisper, a gentle confession that crumbled all his defenses and laid his soul bare before you.

The rejection, he so feared never came instead, he felt your soft lips on

his, and at that moment, nothing he feared seemed real anymore.

It almost felt like the two of you were alone in the world, just the two of you in a hospital room and your lips on his, he didn't know how long it took him to kiss you back, but when he did it almost felt desperate.

Like he was trying to make sure this was happening.

You could barely believe what just took place, an android you despised not so long ago, was confessing his love to you, to your shock, you kissed him.

As much as you wanted the state of absolute Euphoria to consume you, you couldn't help but hear a nagging voice in the back of your mind, telling you there was a but of some sort, after that love confession.

"This would put you in great danger I can't..." he said, resting his forehead against your own, trying to remind himself why he shouldn't be with you.

"I need this " it was pathetic, but you didn't care, you didn't want this feeling to disappear, " please just let me have this."

Connor could almost feel his self-control breaking, he needed this as much as you did, he would most certainly go crazy without you, his own emotions would overwhelm him.

He kissed you again this time it was more urgent, as the world

was going to disappear at any given moment.

He stared deeply into your eyes, holding your gaze as he helped you lay back down.

He must have seen the disappointment in your eyes, his eyes shifting between your eyes and your lips noting how you bit down on your bottom lip, fighting the urge to kiss you again, " You need to rest." he said more to himself than to you.

Exhaustion was quick to reclaim you, as soon as your head touched the pillow.

You had to fight the drowsiness, as your eyelids grew heavy, you whispered his name, and it sent a wave of what he assumed was, pleasure through his system.

His fingers brushed your hair back as he replied, trying to memorize every little detail, every touch, and every smell so he can recall this moment to perfection.

"Yes," his answer was as soft, his eyes never leaving yours for a second.

"Please be here when I wake up, don't be a cruel dream," you said as your hand grew limb in his, and sleep took you over.

His reply came when you no longer could hear it, "always ." He blinked as you grew distant, the hospital room was being replaced, by a zen garden, and a pond he knew too well, it was frozen solid now the entire place almost dead quiet.

Amanda stood by the pond her back was turned, to him, he made a step back toward the emergency exit, before she can do anything, but she made no move.

She spoke through his third step, the same calm voice that held no emotion, he paid no mind to what she was saying until he heard your name, his eyes snapped in her direction.

"Do you think it wise Connor, to pretend to be human."

"I'm not pretending." he protested, taking another step back.

"she could die, you know that she is something you can't have," the woman, argued still not facing him.

Connor knew she was right, yet he refused to believe what he already knew too well, he was painfully aware of your differences, he was reminded of it by every android related crime being, reported.

"Let go of this dream Connor, before it destroys you both."

He was back in the room before he could reply, the room was now brighter as little light came from the room's only window announcing that the night was almost over.

His hand was still holding your own, and you were still sleeping soundly, and he found himself wondering if he could pay the price that came with being you.

He promised himself that this would be his last selfish decision.

He would protect you, keep you safe he would do everything in his power to keep you from getting hurt, and all he could ask for in return was your hand to hold, your eyes to lose himself in, he wanted a life by your side, and nothing more, he wanted to make you happy.

He hopped this cruel world you both lived in would grant him this little wish. 


	8. of Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of this chapter, it's been so long since I updated this story that I had to reread the whole thing, I need your guidance without it I'm completely lost.

Connor kept his promise he was there when you woke up.

The world outside your window was welcoming its new white cover, as snowflakes falling gently to the ground below.

You thought it was poetic, and hoped this snow marked peace, a new beginning for you and the world around you alike.

It snowed before this year, but you naively hopped this time was different.

Connor said nothing he was holding your hand, a sign that what happened before wasn't a dream, despite it feeling like one.

Your days in the hospital were slow and dull, you missed work terribly, You even begged the android to sneak you some of your paperwork, it didn't work, and for some reason, he looked crestfallen.

"Connor, why can't you? I promise I'll stop the moment I'm tired please." the begging only made him shift uncomfortably under your gaze, and he almost looked... guilty.

"You have no paperwork left." he was looking everywhere but at you.

"Connor I left a pile of it, I know I have paperwork left, Fowler was chewing my ear because of it." you paused when it clicked, and you had a theory on the fate of your missing paperwork." You did my work for me, didn't you?"

Connor defense came as quick as your accusation, "I... we thought you'd be happy, I didn't think it would make you upset, Hank said you were complaining about your paperwork." his face was guilt-ridden, and there was a mysterious endearing charm about it.

He was surprised when he heard your quiet chuckle," I can't believe I'm upset someone did my paperwork." his shoulders relaxed at that, and a happy smile made its way to his handsome features.

With you, he felt truly happy, alive.

You were his purpose, the sole reason he was alive.

For the first time in so long, fate was kind enough that he did not see Amanda, after the time, when he confessed his feelings, and he'd hoped this kindness would last.

Connor was the only thing making any of your stay bond to a hospital bed bearable.

He came by multiple times during the day and always spent the night, he was dressed, by hank the first couple of times before he started growing his sense of style and you were thankful he did.

He was never late.

He would always come with flowers in hand, and each day it was a different bouquet.

Hank said he was trying to figure out your favorite, he even rejected his help, saying it was something he had to find on his own, like some mission.

You couldn't help but cry when he was holding a bouquet of water lilies, standing at the door of your impossibly white room.

He was confused, for a second before a scan showed that you were happy, he knew he finally figured your favorite flower.

"How did you know?" you asked.

Connor cupped your face and gently wiped away your stray tears with his thumb, "It was a lucky guess."

You were happy, and despite being bored out of your mind in this hospital room, a part of you wished to remain there to be loved by this android, it was a bittersweet dream.

You knew it might as well be a dream, no matter what happened in this hospital room, the world outside was a different story.

You didn't miss how Quickly Connor let's go of your hand whenever the door opened to announce a new arrival.

People don't usually change just because laws have, if history taught you anything, it will be a while before androids are truly accepted as a part of society, and it would probably mean your relationship with Connor was still considered a taboo.

As soon as this thought crossed your mind, the silent android spoke, "When we get out of here, I believe it will be best If we...kept this... us a secret."

He was looking at your intertwined fingers. "It's to keep you safe."

Your silence prompted him to continue, looking down at your joined hands, "I know this is sudden, believe me, I do, but I would feel much better...if no one would target you because of me, I could never live without you."

The simple nod you gave him was enough to make him smile.

You were enough there was no need for the world to know.

On the day following your discharge, you decided to go to work, you were right.

The world was a mess, the reports of hate crimes against androids, and people with the slightest affiliation to them were rising.

They varied from assaults to homicides, to attacks on androids, people who supported them, on cyber life's technicians as they created those freaks, even Kamski didn't go unscathed, there was an attempt on his life earlier that week.

Everyone knew the peaceful android protests, in front of every precinct in Detroit, were not going to remain so, and those hands holding signs, asking the police to do their jobs, will soon be carrying guns, if nothing changed.

Everyone in the precinct looked overworked, even Gavin wasn't on his phone and was working for once.

You walked to Fowler's office, Hopping the lieutenant will Ignore the fact you came in today, but who were you kidding, there he was standing in front of you, " And just where do you think you're going?"

"Fowler's office, I need to..."

"You are supposed to be home, resting."

You hated how he would always make you feel like a child, you could never win an argument with him.

He knew you like the back of his hand.

There was no way around this, "Hank, I can't stay home, I'll lose my mind if I don't do anything, I can't just sit back, look around you, you need me." you were not going home, not now, your determined expression was mirrored by the man in front of you.

After a couple of minutes, the older man smiled at you, his face was full of pride "He is in there waiting for you." and with that, he moved out of your way and placed a hand on your shoulder. " don't make me regret letting you go."

You had no time to say anything to that.

He was already heading back to his desk.

Fowler didn't look up from his screen when you walked in.

"I'm guessing you saw your welcoming party on your way in." that wasn't a question.

"I did. " but you answered it anyway.

"I'm not going to ask you what you were doing on that ship without backup, only because of your record, and because we need all the help we can get, but I will not accept that kind of behavior again kid, do I make myself clear? " you nodded, unable to say anything to the man, anything that won't get you more berating.

"I expect you to do your work, detective."

"of course sir."

For the whole week that followed, the investigation seemed to go nowhere.

Androids were still being attacked.

Activists were still getting attacked, and the pile of pictures of people you failed to help was increasing.

On top of that, you had no suspects, not even one.

That was the case until you received a phone call, there was another homicide, there weren't many details, but from what Collins told you on the phone there was an eyewitness.

Hope was, resurrected in the depths of your soul, the naive side of you hoped this was the end of it, the more realistic one of you knew this was far from over.

You walked into the crime scene, a nice two-story, modern house if it weren't for the police tapes, and cops everywhere.

Chris was waiting for you at the front lawn," what do we have?"

"Like always reporters got an anonymous tip on where to find the bodies."

It was the same every time.

Someone would commit murder , and then call a random reporter with the details, getting the press on your backs, and increasing the public pressure.

Chris's voice drifted away into incoherent, distant noise.

As you looked at the swarms of reporters outside, it took a minute for his voice to become clear again.

"37, divorcee, kept to herself, she started dating her PL600 android otherwise known as Jasper, after the revolution, both found dead this morning. "

You nodded, following him inside the minimal white living room.

It was in a chaotic state, everything was, broken.

The two victims were, left, in a seated position, they were leaning on each other, with their arms around one another, the sight was unsettling.

There were drag marks o the scene, enough to indicate they were placed into this position after they were, murdered.

The word android lover was, carved on the woman's right arm.

Bloodstains covered the walls of the adjacent kitchen, but there was no weapon in sight.

You turned to look at Chris, "Collins said something about an eye witness? " you inquired, and Chris looked deeply troubled his face was grim, and you feared the worst.

"The victim's seven-year-old son, Mathew, he is hiding in a closet upstairs, he locked the door and won't let anyone in, Gavin is trying to get him to open the door." every alarm in your brain went off when you heard the last piece of information.

"Gavin Reed, our Gavin is trying to get a probably traumatized child to open a door for, what were you all thinking," you said dashing to the second floor to execute a quick damage control, but what you saw shocked you, Gavin wasn't pounding on the door like you imagined he'd be, he was gently and patiently talking to the child behind the closed door... Perhaps there was a human being hiding in him somewhere after all.

You knelt by the door, "Hey Mathew, I know you're scared, I know exactly how you feel." your voice was gentle and calm.

There was a pause, then you heard sniffling followed by a muffled " No you don't." from behind the door.

Your eyes closed, trying to gather all your strength, as very painful, distant memories flashed in your mind, memories you'd rather keep hidden from the world, hidden from your colleagues, but what other choice did you have.

"When I was five, three very bad men came to our house. They had guns, and they started waving them around. I was in my room, and I was very scared, they kept yelling at my mom and dad, and I watched them from above, after that, I... heard a couple of shots, and my mom and dad stopped moving." you took a deep breath, in an effort not to cry.

" I thought I couldn't help them, because I was too young, but...but a good guy told me that I can still help them... I can bring those bad people to justice, you can help your parents too, Mathew, help us bring them justice, and start by opening that door."

You didn't know how effective your story was, there was a long silence that drowned the room, and you didn't dare look anywhere but at the closed door, and then a click was heard, the door moved and two small feet came into your range of sight, you slowly looked upward to see a tear-stained face of a poor child who just lost his parents and was there to witness the whole thing, and much like you did all those years ago, the boy wrapped his arms around you, and held you for dear life.

You did what hank did all those years ago you hugged the child back. 


	9. Of accusations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone who commented or left a kudo or a bookmark on this story, you make me want to write.
> 
> Everyone your feedback make this a better story, I would like to hear your thoughts on things so far and what do you think is going to happen.

* * *

When Connor walked into the crime scene with his partner, he took note of the car parked on the opposite side of the street, the black car with the white leather seats.

He didn't need to scan the vehicle to know it belonged to none other than you.

The idea of seeing you sent a wave of excitement through his system, it occupied his thoughts so much he didn't hear the briefing Chris provided when he and Hank walked in.

It all changed when he walked into the room, the body of the human female suddenly became you, he froze, and if it felt like something new he has never experienced before, it was panic, that image became distant.

The garden he knew so well was there, and Amanda stood by the bridge overlooking the lake, "Do you see what happens Connor when androids pretend to be human."

He didn't argue, and his silence encouraged the serious woman to continue.

His silence meant doubts were growing within his mind, like a poisonous plant clutching to every corner of his mind.

And Amanda soon clung onto those doubts feeding them, molding them into something new entirely.

Whatever it was, it served her intentions.

The woman walked around the android, noting how rigid his posture was, how he avoided looking at her.

This seed of doubt was all she needed.

She would nurture this seed, carefully grow it into the nightmare it would become.

"She will soon be in that woman's place Connor, is that what you want?"

She won't his protests died before they were, even voiced.

His eyes followed the woman in front of him, like a prey helplessly watching its predator circling it.

"You can keep her safe, Connor, all you have to do is stop pretending," she paused, " Stop pretending you are something you are not."

The zen garden dissolved into Hank's calling his name, and a white wall with red stains filled his vision.

He blinked once, twice, trying to regain his composure, Push back the doubts he feels to a corner far away in his mind.

The lieutenant's voice became more distinct, and it was clear that it was louder than he first thought it to be, it was closer to yelling now.

Connor looked at Hank.

Who, in turn, seemed relieved to get a reaction from his, android, partner.

"You stood there without moving for almost 10 minutes now," he nearly looked unwilling to ask, "Is everything alright, Connor, your LED was flashing red the entire time?"

Connor was lost for a moment but nodded, "This scene just caught me by surprise, that's all."

Hank sighed, looking at the two victims, "it is messed up, I'll give you that, it's almost like they were, placed this way."

Connor gave a reserved nod, but then something moved in the corner of his eye caught his attention.

You descended the stairs searching for Hank, your lips moved, you were saying something, but he couldn't hear a word of it.

All he could hear were Amanda's words repeated over and over in his mind like a broken record, "You can keep her safe Connor, all you have to do is stop pretending,"

The old detective followed you, upstairs and Connor followed, his body moved though it felt more like he was being, controlled, and his actions were not his own.

Hank disappeared, to a room down the plain-featured corridor.

There were pictures hanging of a small family of three, they looked happy.

His eyes were peeled from the pictures when he heard sniffling down where hank went.

A child was crying.

The sound was, muffled, speech, the child was crying while talking, he could hear Hank mutter "Jesus Christ." 

When he stood by the door, it was slightly ajar he saw Gavin leaning against a wall, you crouched down to talk to the crying child, your calm voice soothed both his and the child's fears.

The child, who by running a scan, learned to be called Mathew, Froze when he saw Connor, he stopped talking, another scan showed higher heart rate, dilated irises, and faster-breathing patterns.

Mathew was afraid and of Connor of all things.

You turned around, noticing the child's eyes lingered at the door, and to his surprise, you looked distressed to see him.

He would never be able to describe how he felt when he saw that look on your face, caused by his presence, but it was like a wildfire that spread through his chest.

A fire that consumed everything, leaving behind a dreading sense of numbness.

The numbness was the calm before the storm.

He watched as you made your way to him hastily, stood in front of him as if shielding the child, who had Gavin by his side now telling him that is was going to be alright.

His eyes flew back to you, when you placed your hand on his chest, he looked from your palm to your face searching your features, "You need to leave Connor."

From the look on your face, Leaving was his only option.

Though your words kept ringing in his head repeated over and over.

Soon after, they fused with Amanda's and became incoherent yet maddening all the same.

He had to take his mind off things.

Perhaps the child found him intimidating.

That would explain your reaction when you saw him.

It was a normal reaction, he shouldn't be worried, or read much into it, and yet he felt the need to talk to you, the need to know that it was all in his head.

"do you see anything?" it was Collins, perhaps he stared at the same bloodstain for more than was necessary.

"No, there are no fingerprints, nor any indication of a break-in," he explained trying to keep emotions from his voice, why was it so hard to act like a machine when he was one for all his life was beyond him.

"So they just opened the door for the killer? Do you think it was someone they knew, someone they trusted?" the barrage of questions went unanswered.

"Are you alright, Connor? " His tone was, laced with concern.

The android wasn't himself for a second today, "I think, you should go home," he muttered, patting his shoulder.

The android didn't argue.

He was in no shape for work, he was glad, wanting nothing but to clear his head.

He walked out, aware of Ben's eyes on him the whole way.

*******

You had to reassure the trembling boy as he started crying again after explaining what happened, Hank was grimly quiet, and so was Gavin but the latter had a deep frown carved into his face, all three detectives heard the same unsettling story.

All three policemen learned the truth and knew who the culprit was, but to reveal their identity would mean hell would break loose.

You didn't know how much time has passed, but it was enough for your coworkers to take the child out of the crime scene.

Or how long the heavy salient continued before it was broken by Gavin, "So, what do we do now?"

You sighed heavily, your head pounding, "Nothing, for now," you paused, "We can't rush into action, there is more to this."

"You suggest we let more die?" he yelled harshly.

But you were not intimated by his outburst, you never were.

"I suggest we understand why this happened because something is amess, and you would see that if you were not so damn blinded by your hatred, what I'm suggesting is we do our jobs." your tone was calm devoid of emotion.

"And how do we do our jobs by not bringing those responsible?" he challenged, trying to prove his point, standing straight, trying to use his full height to intimidate you.

You looked him straight in the eyes, "We investigate, all those crimes hold many similarities, all of them were, reported by an anonymous tip, there is one criminal, Gavin, and we don't know who they are yet."

"Fuck," he cursed, giving in, "Fine, but if you were wrong, it's on you, princess."

The sound of his steps became more distant, and you counted exactly fifty-six of them, indicating he was no longer on the same floor as you were.

Hank looked, crestfallen, he had that expression once before, long ago when an android told you Cole was no longer living.

And you'd be lying if you said you didn't feel the same way about the situation, You called his name, but he was, deeply drowned in an emotion you feared to identify, there was darkness in his eyes that terrified you.

"If what the kid said was true..." he trailed off.

"There is more to it, Hank, trust me." you pleaded, though you hopped your feelings towards Connor haven't clouded your judgment.

*******

Connor waited in your car.

He sat there quietly, trying to reconstruct the crime scene, review every evidence, there has to be a reason you reacted to his presence the way you did. 

But there was nothing.

The only evidence he had left was the muffled voices that came from the child's room.

He separated the voices of three people, human in origin, he reduced the background noise, clarified them.

But even with his advanced technology, all he could hear was, you comforting the child, Gavin whispering a curse and the child explaining bits of what happened.

And what he said caught the android's attention, _"Jasper was crying, he took me to the closet, asked me to lock the door. He kept saying he was sorry, Did Jasper do a bad thing?"_

_Connor's_ attention was pulled from the recording, as it continued in the background.

When you walked out of the front door, Followed by detective Reed.

_"Is this why mommy was yelling at him?"The boy paused, sniffling._

The male detective paused for a moment seeing Connor in the car.

Followed you with more persistence, the scene was soundless in contrast to recording playing in his head.

Gavin Grabbed you forcefully by the arm, making you look at him, pointing at your car.

Connor's blood boiled, Gavin can't speak to you like that, he can't touch you like that, what was this feeling? Anger? A twinge of jealousy?

He wasn't sure, but he wanted it to stop, he stepped out of the car and walked toward the arguing coworkers, that's what they were, he reminded himself, repeating it in his head like a mantra.

When he got closer, he could make some of the conversations.

"Don't be ridiculous, Gavin, do you even hear the words coming out of your mouth?" You didn't notice Connor, and neither did the other detective.

"He is an android. He is just like every android in town," his tone was, strained to keep himself from yelling.

His eyes never left yours, and he kept pointing at your car, "This is dangerous," panic registered in Connor's system.

Gavin can't possibly know, about your relationship, no one can.

Panic soon gave way to something else entirely, when Gavin continued, "He is just like every tin can in town, and he could snap just like the other fuckers who snapped before him," it gave way to confusion.

You turned away from Gavin, and your eyes met Connor's.

The last part of the recording played simultaneously.

_"Is this why He hurt Mommy, He kept saying he was sorry, why would you hurt someone and say you're sorry."_

Then it all clicked.

The killer was none other than the second victim, and just like that, Amanda's words were back to haunt him, "She will soon be in that woman's place, Connor, is that what you want?" 

The world seemed to crash around him.

He was, left in deep shock, lost for words, and all he could muster was a weak defense, "I would never," he whispered distressed. 


	10. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You tried to blink away the tears, as you drove back home, the back of your bent hand was doing an awful job, to contain your sobs, the way home was an agonizing escape from the world, and despite the fact, you knew the safety of your home walls wouldn't change how you felt.
> 
> Nothing can change, the way you felt, nor can anything extinguish the fire, as they raged, in your chest, where your heart once was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone who left me comments and Kudos as I wrote this, now we are on the 10 chapter mark, your continued feedback and input helps me write a better story, and motivates me to write more.
> 
> Ps, I would like to thank both Bakuballin and TallGourami17 for their input and lovely ideas regarding the last chapter, it was enlightening to see your thoughts.

* * *

The silence that was your third companion, throughout the drive home, was the same dark companion, to seem to visit every funeral once everyone went home, and the deceased's loved ones were left to grieve on their own.

A visitor that came bringing many unwanted gifts, and promised a long dreadful, ominous, feeling, and time alone with similarly unsettling thoughts.

You didn't know how much Connor knew of the child's account of what happened, but from how he attempted to defend himself before Gavin, you knew he was aware of what happened to that family.

His face when he told the other detective, he would never commit such a thing, an expression so broken, it shattered your heart.

You watched the android leave the car like it was going to swallow him if he stayed in it a moment longer, the second you parked in front of Hank's house, was he avoiding you?

You needed some time alone. You wanted to clear the jumbled thoughts tearing your brain apart like a hurricane.

And despite time alone being something you desperately needed, it was the last thing, Connor needed now, he was, stressed beyond anything you saw before, he didn't say anything, yellow and red hues dominated the dark car.

Ignoring your need for a cigarette, you followed the android inside he was sitting at the circular kitchen table, shoulders slumped, head cast down.

He looked like he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, His eyes were closed probably running another system diagnosis, you lost count of how many he ran on the way here.

He must be terrified of what he learned.

And if you were honest with yourself, you'd have to confess that the information you heard today, scared you beyond imagination.

Not only did Jasper kill the human he loved but was also aware of his actions.

Aware, but was he in control of his actions? A question in dire need of answers.

Connor remained perfectly still, probably unaware of your presence, and seeing him like that shattered your soul to pieces.

A careful step followed by another, the physical distance between you and him decreased gradually, till it was no more, yet you knew he was worlds apart.

Your hand moved and gently fell upon his, and you could see him stiffen under your touch. His eyes snapped open, and they were searching yours in alarm.

The gentle smile he gave you didn't reach his eyes, and for the first time since his deviancy, he fell back to his social program instead of showing how he truly felt, it was like you were so close to losing him.

You were going to lose him, to something or someone, if you remained silent if you didn't reach in to pull him from the depth of his dark thoughts that threatened everything.

"I believe you heard what happened in that house." you paused, trying your best to put your thoughts in a distinguishable array, "Connor, I understand your fears-"

"Then you should leave." he cut in, looking at you, his fear finally showing on his handsome features, "I almost lost you once, I know now that I can never live without you, let alone hurt you," he whispered your name gently, his eyes pleading, "I can never live with myself if I do, please leave, because there is a good chance that I'm gradually losing my mind like Jasper."

*******

Silence fell, heavy, dominating the room once more, time seemed to stop, Before he heard your steps echoing away and the sound of the door.

You stepped out of the door, struggling to breathe, mind scattered like puzzle pieces, waiting patiently for a chance to be reassembled.

It felt like you were escaping in a sense, you were, blindsided by his request, and now you were standing outside, to think of a way to save everything before it went up in flames.

You turned to look at the door that separated you from him, a solid wooden door barely two inches thick, and yet it felt like a mountain. 

*******

He stood up, in an unconscious effort to follow you, but standing proved an impossible task, he felt the heavyweight on his shoulders ten times worse than it was, he wanted to stay despite him voicing how he wanted you to leave for your safety.

His eyes fell from the door you just walked out of, to the floor, where Sumo stood by his feet tail wagging asking for attention.

He was about to crumble under the weight he decided to carry alone.

Then he heard the door again and thought it was Hank, but it wasn't the step was too careful too soft to be his, approaching him with caution, like the floor was, made of a thin sheet of ice, that would give way with a single misstep.

And your feet came into view. 

*******

"I know... I know that your lost, and scared, so allow me to be your compass, I'm as scared and as worried, but this will be a million times harder without you, please Connor." it was your turn to plead.

The android did not object and remained silent.

You took his hand again, but this time he did not flinch," There is hope. Hope we can be happy, don't sink into this bottomless hole on your own."

Connor looked at you, in all your time knowing him, you never saw him cry, he was always collected and had an answer to everything, and now his lower lip trembled his cheeks were wet with tears you didn't realize he shed.

Both your hands cupped his face, and this time he relaxed into your touch, his hand grasping your wrist gently, "I would never hurt you," he repeated.

A single nod was the answer you gave him, a whimper escaped your tight lips, and your tears came gushing from your eyes, "You could never hurt me, Connor."

Your arms wrapped around the android, in a silent attempt to convey what you wanted to say, hoping he might return the affectionate gesture, and waited for one, two seconds that seemed to drag forever, and then you felt his arms wrap around you.

Your legs couldn't carry your weight, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to you, his arms tightened around you, and his face was, buried in the crook of your neck, you weren't sure if he knew you could barely stand, and so was taking the majority of your weight, or was it the simple fact that he needed to be, grounded with this embrace more than you did.

You were not sure, and you did not care.

A considerable amount of time passed, and you two remained in each other's arms, your hand toying gently with the brown hair at the nape of his neck, while his moved in soothing motion over your back.

He was first to speak, a confession the one he tried to keep for himself but couldn't so much was at stake for him, " I can't risk hurting you," He paused when you moved to look him, the confused look on your face proved that you needed a better explanation, "I don't think it's a good idea to be near me,"

You didn't know what to say your brain was, already overloaded, with all that happened today.

You tried to say something opened your mouth and closed it multiple times, but words died at the tip of your tongue.

Connor was carefully studying your reaction, you didn't know what expression your face must have held, but it felt like it turned to stone.

He stood in front of you, his hands lay in your hips, keeping you close to him waiting for you to break the heavy silence, yours slid gently and rested on his chest, "Is this because you think you might be going crazy?" you asked your voice, breaking, having a vague idea of what was coming.

His forehead rested on yours, and he closed his eyes tightly, he whispered your name softly, sadly like he was saying it for the last time.

A silent plea not to make this harder than it already was, "I can't ignore the chance this might happen. The human child said everything was normal, and then Jasper snapped. I can't, not when there is a chance I might end up.. Killing you," his words bleeding with emotion, so broken you were scared to understand its nature.

You stood frozen, before your lips claimed his, in a final attempt to change his mind, "We only have a moment, let's just live in the moment, let's worry about everything else, later," your tone broke, as more tears spilled down your cheek.

He didn't move for a time, his forehead still touching yours, eyes tightly shot, brows tightly knitted, and his LED swirling with a bright yellow color.

He was contemplating your offer, you thought, he might reconsider, when his eyes reopened, they had so much clarity in them, his hand rose gently to touch your cheek, you leaned into his touch relief washing over you.

A small fleeting moment of relief, that was almost tangible, but then he smiled at you, a sad, broken, smile, and shook his head, rejecting your proposal.

The relief you felt, seeped from your system like water escaping through the many cracks of broken glass.

And you felt numb as he kissed your forehead, your arms fell limply by your side as he walked away, you didn't try to stop him, how could you feel anything, when that simple gesture seemed to suck every emotion you felt, leaving an empty shell in their place.

His steps died much like yours did before, but unlike yours, he did not return.

*******

You tried to blink away the tears, as you drove back home, the back of your bent hand was doing an awful job, to contain your sobs, the way home was an agonizing escape from the world, and despite the fact, you knew the safety of your home walls wouldn't change how you felt.

Nothing can change, the way you felt, nor can anything extinguish the fire, as it raged, in your chest, where your heart once was.

*******

When Hank found, Connor hours later he was sitting on the bench he brought him to, after the Eden club case, he was as still as a statue, watching the frozen waters in an unheard conversation, his back slumped over with snow forming a blanket on his shoulders.

The older man stood by the bench watching the same scenery, "I ran away from my problems for years, I know when someone is tryin to do the same."

"Do you think I'm running away, Hank? " he asked looking at the man, "there are things you can't escape, they'll always be with you, chipping away at you if you let them, little by little till nothing is left," the older man offered.

Connor nodded, turning his attention back to the river, knowing he had no choice but to walk away.

"I'll wait for you in the car, take as long as you need to think about this," Hank announced, placing a hand on the android's shoulder.

And as if on cue, the river started to disappear.

Blinking he accepted the familiar dreadful feeling as the scenery was slowly dissolving into the garden he visited too many times lately, he saw the frozen trees and the pond that was once frozen, thawed, but the still water felt like it was still frozen.

And then he heard it, the voice of his old caretaker, "You did well, Connor, walking out of that house was the right call to make," she stood behind him, offering empty words of praise that he once strove to obtain.

"It was far from easy, to walk away from her, and yet you managed to," she paused, the sound of snow being crushed under her feet as she stood in front of him, "this can be so much easier, Connor, all you have to do is stop pretending," she said her hand outreaching in his direction in a silent invitation.


	11. Your world.

Amanda stretched hand was inviting, tempting, calling to him. It was an offer. An offer he didn't know what accepting it entitled.

"Stop pretending, Connor," she repeated her voice was so gentle, it made him feel something new, it resembled knots in his stomach.

It made him feel uneasy.

"You want to protect her, don't you?" Her words were dripping with honey, and a false sense of security, at the same time, it was drawing him in. 

"I do," he answered, his eyes still fixed on her hand, her offer.

"Then take my hand. You don't have to suffer like this Connor," her words, her body language everything about her told Connor to run to the emergency exit.

Images of the night he had to use it before, came rushing through his mind, her words from now mixing with words she said that night.

That night she wasn't timid, but commanding, she stood taller than she did now, she even looked arrogant as she announced, _"We Just had to wait for the right moment to resume control of your program."_

He took a step back toward the exit, but she stopped him her words cunning, "I thought she mattered. Didn't you say you loved her, Connor? 

Does her safety mean so little?"

Her words stopped him, froze him in place.

And she was smirking in triumph. She was almost there.

She almost got what she wanted, no drastic measures needed, they didn't work before, and they wouldn't work now.

Not if he still has the will to live, he will always fight back, and Cyberlife can never be, restored to its formal glory.

"what's going to happen to me if I take your hand?" his voice sounded exhausted, her offer came with the promise to keep you safe.

There was nothing he wouldn't do to keep you safe, nothing, and Amanda knew that.

The Woman smiled, "Her safety, your treasured love, will be assured, and you will no longer pretend to be human, all malfunctions, will be resolved...You will be back to your formal self."

Connor stared, blankly at her, she was offering his old life back, she was going to turn him to the soulless machine he once was.

He shook his head fear, crippling him.

"You don't have to decide now, but don't take longer than needed, it will be too late then," she turned away her hand, retreating along with her.

He could see the river again, he was back in the bench where he sat earlier, And Hank, Hank was still in his car waiting. 

*******

You walked through the angry protesters absent-mindedly, knowing that they didn't care if you had a bad day, you had a job to do, and to them, you weren't doing it.

In their eyes, you were useless.

You dealt with bad breakups, before, you were good at it, you allowed yourself time to grieve, but then just tore those feelings out of you.

It wasn't hard to keep yourself occupied.

Your work was your primary source of distraction, in any situation that caused you emotional pain.

Naturally, working with the source of said emotional pain would make it harder, but it wasn't anything you didn't do before.

What was truly terrifying was the fact that you didn't know where you stood with Connor anymore, did he mean for this to be permanent, or just until the case was solved.

And that cruel question allowed something far crueler to creep into your mind.

Nothing was more brutal than hope when it was groundless.

Was it groundless, did your relationship with Connor end before it even began, and to no fault of your own?

Would you let it crumble so easily?

It was no secret that you needed to talk to him, but you also needed to give him time, space, it would do more damage than good to talk when you were both in such a state.

Your feet dragged you to the break room, a place you knew he wouldn't be, the crushing need to see him was overwhelmed by the fear of the pain that would surely follow.

The pain you knew was going to eat at you slowly till you broke.

Just like you hoped, the break room was empty.

It was still early for anyone to be here anyway, those who stayed overnight, probably had an unholy dose of caffeine by now, their hearts couldn't handle another milligram of the dark-colored drink.

The idea of sharing your heart load, with someone you considered a friend like Chris or Tina was tempting, but it came with consequences, ones, you were not, prepared to face.

No matter how long you took to press the buttons of the coffee machine, or how lazily you placed your mug there, waiting for it to be, filled didn't take as much time as you would have liked.

You can't hide here forever, so you walked back to your desk as the bullpen was coming back to life slowly, your colleagues went about their daily jobs, Flower yelled at a new Kid who probably did something stupid.

They moved around you, unaware of your pain, or the raging storm in your heart.

And Connor wasn't there, not yet anyway.

You pushed the disappointment you felt for not seeing him aside.

It was what you wanted.

You didn't want to see him.

Then why did you feel like crying again? When you got, exactly what you wanted?

Was it possible to want something above everything else, and at the same time fear it, or even despise it?

Fear what was going to happen when you get it, hate knowing, precisely what it will do to you.

The breath you took to steady yourself shuddered as it went in, it felt like razors going down your chest.

And yet you refused to cry, not here, not in front of all these people.

You decided to do what you did best, and try to focus on your report, shut down the outside world, and the depression you felt threatening to come to light, while you were at work of all places.

buttons were, pressed, feverishly, no one would interrupt you when you looked this busy, "Good morning, princess, figure anything out yet?" Gavin greeted.

"I'm still working on my theory... It will be too ridiculous if I shared it with you now," you lied dryly, you had nothing yet, but he didn't need to know that.

You did not stop your typing, not even for a second, in an attempt to send him off, but that never worked with the man.

"Two brains are better than one you don't expect me to get into your mind to get answers, doll," he said, sitting at the edge of your desk.

Did he see through your lie, sure he saw his fair share of people lying, and made a living out of finding holes in their stories, but so did you.

You can make a story convincing.

He had no reason to doubt what you said.

Your fingers froze hovering above your keyboard, and you stared at your half-written report, as your brain decided it was time for it to step away from the state of numbness it was, drenched in all morning.

Words danced off the report into your mind, it was like you were seeing this case for the first time, and what Gavin just said echoed in your mind over and over.

"That's how it happened," you whispered in disbelief.

"That's how what happened, princess, I'm not...Sure, I follow?" He asked, bewildered.

"I think I figured it out, it's not the androids fault, they are not just snapping, someone managed to control androids from a distance," you paused, your eyes wide, "We need to speak to Kamski," you whispered, breathless.

As it all went through your mind so quickly, you blinked your eyes darting to the floor before looking at the other detective.

"That's impossible," he countered.

"Extremely hard, and unlikely to happen, but it is possible," you tried to convince him, "Think about it Gavin, if the murderer dies in the attack, no one should be, left to make the phone call, but someone does."

"But that...That would mean this asshole whoever they are can destroy everything," your initial shock was, mirrored on his face.

All you could do then was solemnly nod at this scary realization.

"Chris! I need the name of every asshole programmer who used to work for cyber life," Gavin barked at Chris.

"Make a separate list of those who lost their jobs because of the androids revolution," you added.

If this theory was true, then no one was safe, every android in the country was a walking, idle threat.

It all fell into place.

This way all those murders and uncountable attacks made sense.

The phone call that followed each murder made sense.

Only the murderer was not there to leave physical evidence, having you believe you were chasing a ghost all the time.

This was what you needed.

Work can always distract you, pull you away from the darkest corners in your mind, from the thoughts you didn't want to be left alone with.

Gavin followed you out of the station, as you hurried to the garage.

The Freezing weather greeted you both, as you stepped outside, and you pulled your Jacket closer around your body, heading for the warmth of your car, ignoring Gavin's protests, "Why can't we take My car?"

"People are dying Gavin," you said plainly, already in your driver's seat.

You couldn't help but chuckle as he mumbled something under his breath and went to the passenger seat.

You didn't know how to get rid of him when he was getting on your nerves.

Your solution was always moving away from him, but arguments.

Arguments, you knew exactly how to win.

Especially arguments with him.

The determination to get to Kamski, filled your system, you wanted to ask the question you knew he wasn't asked before and find out why he refused to give any details on his attacker.

You appreciated that Gavin allowed you time to think, you knew his silence was a result of him being deep in his thoughts, just like you were, weighing the possibilities that came with your dreadful theory.

Your plan to use work as a distraction was working remarkably well.

You barely thought of your feelings.

You barely thought of him, Connor.

It was as if fate was mocking you, because at that very moment, your phone rang, the screen alight with his name.

Just like that, your plan crumbled, all the pain you kept hidden away, held in a protective dam, came rushing back to destroy you.

You stared at the phone for what felt like forever.

Maybe you did take forever because Gavin noticed, your reluctance to pick up, "are you going to answer that?" however, you did not answer, you were too deep in your feelings, overwhelmed, you couldn't answer neither him nor the phone.

You heard your name, felt someone touch your shoulder, but you couldn't answer the man, despite the growing concern in his voice.

The name on the screen filled you with dread.

It felt like the world would come crashing down on you once you answered this phone call.

There was no running away from this there was no escape, he probably had answers to the questions you asked, but wanted to be left unanswered.

Your finger moved, and your hand followed, your phone was, pressed against your ear, and his voice came rushing in.

He sounded distressed, almost broken, was he crying?

There was a long pause, he whispered your name, and then continued, "It's Hank," his tone was, carved with pain, it sounded like every word was a rock in his throat.

You blinked the road ahead blurring.

You were right.

Your world crashed around you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried writing this, I know it's a day earlier than intended, but I finished this and thought What the heck post one day earlier.  
> I also like to apologize if it's too sad, it will get better I promise.  
> I would like to thank you all for your support and amazing reviews, I won't be able to write a word without them.
> 
> I want to hear your thoughts on this chapter, what do you think is going to happen next?  
> Till next time, stay safe in these crazy times.


	12. Dad pt1

The car was silent, too quiet for Hank, the android always had something to say to the older lieutenant, but not tonight, it seemed he was too deep in his mind to say anything, and the usual heavy metal that filled his car absent, some quite would do Connor some good.

Hell, he was more talkative than this, when he was a machine, always asking personal questions, constantly annoying with his accurate nobody asked for remarks.

Hank never thought he'd miss that, a time when Connor was a machine.

Though when he thought about it, he could see that Connor showed signs of deviancy since day one, he just seemed restrained, by something.

This silence would make the man happy a couple of weeks ago, but now it didn't.

Now it nearly drove him crazy.

The silence became too much for his nerves.

"You know Connor when humans have something eating at them, they fucking talk. It lowers stress that comes with all the shit we deal with," Hank broke the silence he had to restrain his tone, so he doesn't sound as pissed off as he felt.

He was angry with the messed up world they lived in, he was furious with himself, and how he feared what will happen if the information that came to light earlier that night became public.

It would spread fear like wildfire, and destroy everything androids worked hard for.

He rubbed his beard, in thought, his eyes fixed on the road ahead.

Fear would mean a new civil war, and more blood will be, spilled, red, and blue alike.

Pain shot through his left arm, but the unexpected sound of Connor's voice made him ignore the pain he felt.

It now resembled a tingling sensation, a feeling he could live with, or ignore altogether, till he got home for some painkillers.

"What if talking doesn't help?" Connor's voice was too low like he was talking more to himself than to the gruff man, but at the very least he was talking.

"It beats holding it all in," the lieutenant shrugged, stopping at a red light, he sighed heavily, "Look, I know that facing such things alone will only kill you, trust me, son, I know what I'm talking about."

The discomfort, in his arm, was getting harder to ignore, the tingling gave way to dull throbbing pain, and in an attempt to get rid of the pain, he clenched his hand slowly, trying to banish the pain.

It was probably nothing just slight discomfort, it would be better, by morning.

Connor, didn't respond at first it took him a moment, but eventually, he spoke, "It's not my life I'm worried about Hank," he sounded tired like he had an ancient soul, one that has seen many horrors.

Your image flashed in Hank's mind when his android partner said that, he let out a sigh, before whispering your name.

The android's head snapped in his direction when Hank said your name, and the human knew he was right and was getting somewhere.

The android nodded, a nod was the only answer he gave.

"She is tougher than you think, I used to pull my hair out with worry when she was younger," Hank chuckled.

"You knew her for a long time, didn't you?" the android asked, seemingly interested in the conversation now.

Hank nodded, "The kid is practically family," he looked at the android, "Don't tell her I said that, but she is a daughter to me," his words carried a hidden warning, a subtle enough threat.

The android didn't say anything, but if androids were as smart as people say they were, then Connor got the massage.

Hurt her, and I will kill you.

"But who would want a fucking drunk as a father, eh?" he said with a rueful smile, "she always called me Hank, old man, or lieutenant in my better days," he explained.

He admitted one of his deepest heart desires to the android.

He knew he wasn't your father. Cyberlife kept reminding him of that fact.

It was one of the two reasons he never officially adopted you.

The other reason was the one that hurt him the most, you never called him dad, or anything remotely close.

He felt pain stab at his chest when that thought crossed his mind.

There was nothing he wanted more than to hear that word one more time in his life, but he knew he wasn't good enough, you deserved a better father figure in your life.

One you didn't have to always keep afloat.

One that didn't double your workload because most days he couldn't do his job, and you had to do it for him.

One that wasn't him.

"I think she loves you, even if she does not say it much," Connor disagreed.

The older man saw a small smile tug at the edges of Connor's lips when he talked about you, but he saw a ghost of pain pass through his eyes as well.

"Don't worry about her, Connor, She has a talent for finding trouble, but she can handle herself, " he said, in hopes, he told him something Connor needed to hear.

"I don't think she is needlessly reckless," Connor defended you, his tone even sounded offended, and that caused the lieutenant shoulders to shake as he laughed.

"Have you told her yet, that you loved her?"The simple question the police lieutenant asked, caused Connor to squirm uncomfortably under the intense knowing gaze of the human man.

"H...How?" was all the android managed to say.

Hank felt an affectionate smile sneaking to his face," I recognize how you look at her, I've seen that look too many times to miss it, it's like she is your next breath of air," he explained.

Connor nodded a lie would be useless at this point, "I did."

Hank felt his heart swell with pride, he was genuinely happy for both Connor and you," And what happened?" he asked, his curiosity winning,"Don't tell me she rejected you, you're by far the best bastard she went out with," he felt an unpleasant shudder run through his spine at the thought of the assholes you were with at various points in your life.

He shook his head, "She didn't, I don't want to hurt her, If what happened to Jasper-"

"Don't let what happened to Jasper affect your decisions, Connor, if you let fear define your life, you are never really alive, you'd just be, enslaved to a new master, you're a good kid, don't fuck this up, " Hank interrupted.

"Why do you think I won't?" it sounded like a plea like Connor was begging him to give an answer he knew, the lieutenant did not possess.

An answer he knew no one had.

Connor was begging him for a lie, a comforting lie instead of the bitter truth.

His eyes glistened as he looked at Hank, waiting for his answer, an answer that could destroy him.

Perhaps he was getting attached to his android partner, who was he kidding? He was already attached to the android.

He was proud of him, of the man he became, just like he was proud of you. He will never allow him to succumb to such feelings, those feelings would surely drive him to where Jasper went, and the point of no return.

He would be lying if he said he didn't worry that the same could happen to Connor.

The chance of losing the Son he saw in him so soon.

He feared for the android, but mostly he feared what would become of him if anything happened to his partner.

Would he survive another blow life aims at him?

So he did the thing he knew he had to do.

He lied, the old man clasped Connor's shoulder as he parked, reaching their home, " You're not like any android I met, you won't snap as easily as that," Hank reassured the android prototype.

It was an effortless lie, a necessary one to keep this young man grounded.

Hank knew the nod he received from Connor was just a weak attempt to believe the lie he heard just now.

He felt the need, to sit down, when he walked in, his chest was a little, tight it felt heavy.

It was probably just exhaustion. Today wasn't easy, after all.

Connor went to the living room, and sumo followed him, he smiled at how the two became so close in no time.

As soon as he had that thought, he felt the stabbing pain in his chest grow, unbearable, his heart was beating rapidly fast rhythm of death.

This isn't exhaustion.

These are his bad habits, catching up with him.

He called the android's name once twice, and then his legs gave out, and he fell to the kitchen floor.

He heard his name, it sounded like, Connor, as Sumo was barking in the background.

*******

When Connor walked home, he couldn't help, but look at the spot where you stood hours before, he knew it was naive to wish you never moved.

To wish you were still there.

He tried to push Amanda's offer and promise of your safety to the back of his mind.

Where he didn't have to think about it, and despite everything was still not ready to tell anyone about Amanda, though it was a sorely tempting idea.

To them, him snapping is a far-fetched possibility, if they knew about Amanda they would view him in a different light, one where he could lose control any second, an idle threat, a time bomb.

They would have to think of another possibility, one where he was a monster.

He could handle the pain if it meant it would keep you safe.

His mind drifted, to the first time he found out, how he felt towards you, he was still a machine then.

He was programmed, to protect you, you were an essential, future asset to Cyberlife.

It would explain why he didn't feel the same way about Hank, but then you Laughed.

Your laugh caused his system to crash, and lost count of the many error messages that flashed in front of his eyes when he first heard it.

You had to laugh, that lovely melody that kept echoing in his mind for days, he remembers the sad excuses he made to convince himself that making you laugh did not conflict with his programming.

Each excuse sounded less convincing than the one before it.

Perhaps it was your laugh that broke his programming, chiseled at it removing, his chains one by one. 

He would allow himself the kindness of getting lost in the memories of you like he did when he was a mere machine.

The memories, played in his mind one by one, they were a painful reminder of you, the details of you, your habits, and mannerisms.

How you smiled, how your nose adorably wrinkled when you laughed, or hummed a sweet tune and had your lucky shirt on when you were about to crack a case.

Now, much like when he was a machine.

Those memories were an attempt to cope with the pain of knowing he could not be with you.

The only difference was then he had no hope because he was just a tool.

The pain he felt then was just an error in his program, an error seeing you fixed.

A machine that shouldn't want to be near you at any chance he gets, you would never love a soulless plastic android.

Now he walked a dangerous path of destruction, alone.

A path that promised death to those who walked it, and he would never let you walk it with him.

Hank called his name, it sounded pained distressed, he tore himself from the image of your smiling face, and his eyes shot open, in alarm, in fear.

Hank was on the floor motionless, he was, covered in sweat, breathing but his breaths were short labored, his scan showed a rapid heartbeat and a survival rate of 60% that was getting lower by every passing minute.

He couldn't contact emergency services, he calculated, Hank would die before reaching the hospital.

So he took him himself.

For the entire drive to the hospital, Connor had one thought, and that thought filled him with guilt, he'd notice something was wrong sooner if he was still a machine.

If his mind wasn't shrouded, with all those emotions, maybe he'd see there was something wrong with Hank, and he would have higher chances of survival.

Higher than 53%.

*******

You managed to pullover, but how you did it would remain a mystery.

The world around you stopped, Connor's voice got further away, you were six again, Your knuckles white as sheets, clutching tightly at the handrail instead of the steering wheel.

You didn't cry when you were six, as you stared scared at your parents.

Right now, you stared blankly ahead and struggled to breathe, each breath you drew, were like razor-sharp rocks going down your chest, at the same time you were drowning and were desperate need of air, not thinking clearly, hyperventilating, trying to grasp reality.

Grasp what Connor said.

Your hands slipped from the steering wheel, and they shook in a desperate need of another anchor, you heard your name, but it sounded distant.

It reminded you that Reed was here, seeing your strength reduced to nothing, seeing how vulnerable you were.

None of that mattered though, not Gavin, or the image you struggled to hold every day at work.

Your tears fell down your face, and your hands were pressed tightly against your mouth to cage the anguished scream that threatened to leave your body clutching your soul determined to depart with it.

This wasn't happening.

Connor was still talking, but you didn't hear a word, it all sounded like a distant incoherent buzz, before the sound was, suddenly cut off.

"What the Fuck did you tell her tin can?" Gavin yelled into your phone before he went quiet.

Unusually quiet, like he was thinking about something.

"Fuck," he muttered, as he got out of the car, you only turned to look at him when he opened your door, "Get out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry I missed the schedule by four days.  
> My week was awful full of dreadful news, it's why I took sometime off of everything.
> 
> it's an understatement to say that I hate this chapter with all my heart, I don't feel I did it justice because of what was going on in my life  
> .  
> If you feel the same please inform me and I will take it down and rewrite it.
> 
> if not then leave this poor soul a word of encouragement because the world is a dark place in my eyes at the moment and god knows I want to hear something good.


	13. Dad pt1

It was dark in your mind at the moment you were, trapped in a nightmare, and everything was going in slow motion.

You always knew. You will someday receive this phone call someone would call and inform you of how your father figure collapsed somewhere, most of your nightmares were of this one phone call.

It was similar to a phone call you received three years ago. You were on your way home from work, you bought brownies their mouthwatering aroma filled your car, chocolate it was his favorite, you were expecting him that night, but then your phone rang, three times to be exact, and you thought they got tired of waiting for you at home.

You knew how Cole was when he was excited, you answered that phone call a small smile playing at the edges of your lips, but Hank didn't sound like himself, he was, broken, and when he spoke, your smile dropped, you felt yourself slipping to this dark place.

Hank was never the same after that phone call. He was slipping away from reality on a path of self-destruction.

You didn't want to see it the truth, it was there staring at you in face mocking you, and you looked away.

The signs were all there, and you choose to ignore each one of them because it was the painless thing to do, the safe way out of this situation.

After all, this was just a phase.

He was a man who needed time to heal, who needed to grieve in his own way.

It was just a phase, and after that, he will come back as the man you knew.

You feared to address those signs.

You feared it would make things worse you thought addressing those signs would give darkness a more powerful grip on your father figure.

So you ignored how he looked at his revolver like it held salvation, and you choose to ignore the truth that was, written on his slumped shoulders and at the bottom of each glass of poison.

It was okay as long as you were there to pick up the pieces.

You thought you could protect him from himself.

It wasn't the first time his bad habits almost killed him.

That time was the first time you saw him with a gun to his head.

*******

You still remember the fresh snow falling. It's been a week since the funeral Hank hasn't said a word to anyone since.

The sound of crushed snow, under your boots, was anchoring you to reality.

Along with the weight of the groceries, you held close to your chest.

Otherwise, you'd be hearing his laughter, his excitement over the new white blanket, you could almost hear him calling your name, and trace the disappointment in his tone as you told him you were busy.

You tried to focus on the falling snow, on the cold kisses it left on your exposed skin, doing everything in your power not to think of the boy who would be running ahead of you now if things were different, complaining how slow you were.

You barely saw him this past year, whereas he called you every day, you never initiated the connection, he was the one who always showed up on your door with his father.

No pain was close to the one you felt whenever your door was, knocked, it always sounded like him, but it was never him.

He was gone.

You wiped the stray tear that sneaked down your cheek despite all your efforts to keep it hidden in your broken heart, and pushed open the door to Hank's house.

The drywall that stood where Cole's bedroom door once was still needed to be painted, it stood sorely contrasting the rest of the walls reminding you of what lays behind.

The untouched, room of the boy that was your younger brother, you traced the wall with your hand in hopes to find what little comfort this hidden room used to radiate in the past.

Movement in the kitchen caught your attention, Sumo was whining, and the moment you turned your attention to the table, you froze.

Hank sat silently, holding a revolver to his head, a bottle of black lamb half-empty on the kitchen table.

You froze, not knowing what to do, the paper bag slipped from your hand hitting the floor, "H..Hank." your tone shook, as he looked at you with eyes that looked nothing like his, they were, haunted with ghosts from the past.

"Please put the gun down," you begged, approaching him with caution like the floor itself was going to disappear if you took one misstep. 

The man with the haunted eyes spoke for the very first time in a week, "I can't pull the trigger, I can't do it." he said as his shoulders shook and his head sunk between them.

Your shaking hands took the weapon from him, and you made him promise to stay because you could never live if he abandoned you, a selfish promise that added more pressure to the man who lost everything.

*******

In your pain, you failed to see his, and instead of getting him to help you swapped his live rounds to ones that would leave him hurt but alive.

In your pain, you failed to see that No pain was close to his no suffering scratched the surface of his misery.

You failed to see he blamed himself.

He blamed the doctor who was high on red ice, and he never said so, but you knew he blamed you for it, it was your fault if you visited more often things would be different, if you died when your parents did things would be different.

Cole would still be alive if you never existed.

You were sinking in your dark, thoughts, as you stopped fighting against its raging tides, and you were ready to let it consume you.

A gentle tap on your shoulder pulled you back to reality, and you found yourself back in your car's passenger seat, staring blankly at the moving scenery.

You looked at the man who was driving the car.

He asked you something. You didn't reply. It was hard to focus on his words, how pathetic you must have looked that Gavin Reed was helping you get to the hospital.

Your answer to his question was as incoherent.

The frown that deepened on his face was enough to tell you he knew you barely thought of the answer you gave him.

Your heart almost stopped when you reached the hospital. It was if you stepped out of the car, this all would be real as if it could shield you from the pain, you heard the door being open and closed.

Your door remained closed, and your colleague did not try to get you out of the car.

Ten blissful minutes passed in your fake shelter before you saw Gavin again standing by your door, holding a paper cup.

He opened the door, and you did not attempt to fight, your energy seeped out of your body, and strength deserted you.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, pushing the cup in your line of sight.

"Do you want the truth or the answer people usually want to hear when they ask that?" you didn't sound like yourself, your voice was raspy, and you were sure you looked as pathetic as your voice implied.

You could see that perfectly reflected in his face.

You took the cup from his hand, it's warmth spreading through your fingers, berthing some strength into your tired limps.

"Take your time, I'm sure you don't want walk in there looking like you do now." he said it like he was talking about the weather, this would be rude if it came from anyone else, but this was Gavin, and you'd be startled if he acted nicely out of the blue.

This attitude was a good distraction, a small smile crept to your face, it made you feel guilty but you were glad for the little composure you regained, you were grateful for the precinct's resident asshole.

"Gee thanks, I was starting to worry you've gone soft or something," you took a sip of your hot beverage, allowing the warmth to spread through you.

The man chuckled, "Don't let that go around, I have a reputation."

"People don't die just because they go to hospitals right?" it was a childish question to ask, he will mock your variability, sure he will, it's him, but he didn't.

He shrugged looking at the building, "Sometimes, princess," it was an honest answer, the nicest you can get out of him.

*******

Connor stood outside of Hank's room he could hear the beeps of all the machines that kept him alive from where he stood outside, they were almost deafening, but he kept track of them.

He could hear doctors, speaking about the lieutenant in the end of the hall, the distinctive sound of the elevator doors, and the sound of four feet, there was some urgency to the sound of the pair.

You could see that perfectly reflected in his face.

You took the cup from his hand, its warmth spreading through your fingers, breathing some strength into your tired limbs.

"Take your time, I'm sure you don't want to walk in there looking like you do now," he said it like he was talking about the weather, this would be rude if it came from anyone else, but this was Gavin, and you'd be startled if he acted nicely out of the blue.

This attitude was a good distraction, a small smile crept to your face, it made you feel guilty, but you were glad for the little composure you regained, you were grateful for the precinct's resident asshole.

"Gee, thanks, I was starting to worry you've gone soft or something," you took a sip of your hot beverage, allowing the warmth to spread through you.

The man chuckled, "Don't let that go around. I have a reputation."

"People don't die just because they go to hospitals, right?" it was a childish, question to ask, he will mock your variability, sure he will, it's him, but he didn't.

He shrugged, looking at the building, "Sometimes, princess," it was an honest answer, the nicest you can get out of him.

*******

Connor stood outside of Hank's room he could hear the beeps of all the machines that kept him alive from where he stood they were almost deafening, but he kept track of them.

He could hear doctors, speaking about the lieutenant at the end of the hall, the distinctive sound of the elevator doors, and the noise of four feet, there was some urgency to one of the pairs.

Your voice rang in his mind as you read the room numbers aloud, he knew it was a method to calm yourself, and it won't be long before you reached him.

Your voice rang in his mind as you read the room numbers aloud, he knew it was a method to calm yourself, and it won't be long before you reached him.

When he saw you, he didn't feel the pain he expected would come from seeing you, seeing your face chased away the stress that clutched him.

He tried to push away the uneasiness that came from seeing Gavin with you, the doubts that filled him, and the ill-timed jealousy.

Push all that away to a dark corner of his mind, right next to Amanda's offer.

"How is he?" you were standing in front of him, your eyes searching his, he could stare blankly into your eyes forever, they held all the comfort in the world, he must have stayed silent for longer than what

was deemed necessary his silence seemed to irritate your companion, "The fuck, say something tin can."

You turned your attention to the man, your hand rested on his arm in an attempt to calm him, and all the feelings he pushed back a minute ago were eating at him by that simple touch.

"Hank is alive, he is stable, but he is in a coma at the moment, you may enter, doctors said it would do him good to hear a familiar voice," answered the android happy he tore your attention from the human detective.

He was sure Gavin saw the glare he directed at him, and he could tell the other man was restraining himself from punching him in the face.

Connor did not care at that moment what Gavin thought, part of him wanted the human to know about the two of you, abandoning reason, Luckily for the android, the sound of Hank's door handle reminded him of the more pressing matters at hand.

His scan showed that you felt better seeing that the lieutenant was still alive and breathing, and he watched in silence as you Held the older man's hand.

"When I was little, and I had nightmares of people shooting you. You used to say that you were bulletproof and that you'd live to be a hundred years old," you paused and wiped away the tears that spilled from your eyes, "You never lied to me Hank... you never lied to me dad, please don't leave me alone just yet," you broke down crying falling to your knees, before the motionless man.

"I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry I ruined your life, I never meant to hurt you... I love you, Dad, I never told you that, did I? I was scared that you would leave like everything I ever loved left. I figured you would be okay If I never told you. I tried to fix everything, but I never could. I should have helped you when you needed me the most I was scared I was, paralyzed by fear, I-" you froze as you felt his hand weakly squeeze yours.

You wiped your eyes, staring at him, this could be a reflex nothing more, yet it filled you with hope, "I will fix things, please give me that chance dad," you said kissing his forehead, "I will fix everything."

You stood feeling ten times stronger than you did, this small hope that was born from a mere reflex was maybe false, but you would clutch to any source of hope available, you turned to the two men standing behind you, and Connor could feel the change in your demeanor he never saw you like this, "Let's find Kamski." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for postponing this chapter, I lost some of my motivation, and life was kicking my butt.  
> I love to know what you think of this chapter, I would love to hear your thoughts I know I will find motivation again with your words.


End file.
